Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Drinking in Spokane, through the majesty of Picture.

So I recently took a trip to Spokane Washington for a weekend of drinking and boating with my life partner in crime, Jeremy. I tried to keep notes of funny shit that took place, but it became increasingly unimportant as I was focused on not throwing up. 

So I'm not going to write  about what I remember, or make up stories (because honestly, it's kind of hazy to me right now). Instead, I'm just going to show you pictures from our Saturday night trip to John Stockton's dads bar "John and Zekes".

Without further ado, the picture blog:]

As you can see, not drunk. In fact I believe this is before any alcohol had entered my system. Jeremy is the devil in human form so this would not last long.







Picture number 2. Me, Jeremy and Crazy Ass Joe. If you look past the customary middle finger you will notice drink number 1. Dry Fly Vodka and Gatorade. 







Ok we're at the bar now, and I'm probably another beer in. Nothing exciting yet.







Meet Cami, she had a birthday a week before. So We shot Patron.
It has begun.









The buddy pose, the exhausted eyes.  Yup, we are officially trying to go drink for drink with Jeremy. He can drink forever. His liver should be studied.









We should've been cut off.










 I'm not going to tell you what the bar tab was. But I can tell you multiple AMF's, shots of Patron, and Jack was involved. So the bar tab wasn't small. And my liver was working over time. I'm probably leaning on these girls for support.






...... Houtson, we have achieved black out.








Good friends don't help you when you're throwing up, they take pictures to make sure you can never run for president.








And they let you sleep on the sidewalk too. Jeremy, you asshole.









Good Night now.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Why Tom Brady is Awesome

Week one has been spectacular so far. Some real good ass cinema if you ask me. We had some drama in the Kyle Orton to Brandon Stokely last second 80 yard touch down. We had some comedy, on the same play where Brandon Stokely announced to the world that he is an avid Madden player when instead of scoring he ran parallel to the endzone to waste as much time as possible to help his team secure the win. Truely an epic play. It was like 'fat person tripping on their face' levels of funny. For those of you who haven't seen it, enjoy and you're welcome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J7d73ScB98.

We had action. Adrian Petersons long touchdown had the most vicious "bitch get off me" stiff arm I have ever seen. Adrian Peterson should be charged with assault. Watch this clip with the understanding that this not for children. Enjoy bitches:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6pKIj87CYA. Is it too early to call him MVP?

And if that weren't enough, we now have the NFL's leading man making his prime time return. After a year of knee rehab, Tom "the luckiest man alive" Brady, returns to the NFL's regular season. The last time we saw him healthy he passed 50 touchdowns and his team went 16-o through the 2008 season (don't bring up the Superbowl, I'll kill you). I'm seriously 13 year old girl giddy right.

He is all that is man. League MVP, 3 time Superbowl champion and Bridget Moynahan's babies daddy. And if Bridget Moynahan isn't hot enough, he upgraded that piece of ass into the world hottest supermodel Giselle Bundchen. In case you're slow, he is arguably the best quarterback EVER and he is banging Giselle. Please take this moment to examine Giselle.



God loves Tom Brady. And so should we all.

Whats there not to like about him? He is a born winner. The man hates losing more then I hate working. Take Buffalo for example. In 2003 he threw 4 interceptions and the Pats lost 31-0 (the worst loss of his career). Since then the Patriots have won 11 straight games against the soon to be Bills of Toronto. Tom Brady holds grudges, and executes his enemies like he is the second coming of Attila the Hun.
Another example: the 2007 season. After week 1, then Jets coach Eric Mangini ( a former Patriot Coordinator) blew the whistle on some questionable scouting tactics (lets leave it at that. Spygate is over and I don't want to talk about it). Brady, obviously loyal to his coach and team, and upset that his championships were being questioned, went out and won 9 of the first 10 games by over 20 points.

Sadly, the man was injured last year and we didn't get to see what kind of shit he had in stored for the league. There was no ceiling on how many "f**k you touchdowns" he would've thrown following his first Superbowl loss. We were robbed of weeks of big Touchdowns and awkward celebratory hugs because stupid Bernard Pollard had to fall on his leg after a pass, destroying his ACL.
Here we are in the present day. We should all welcome back the man. The man who holds grudges, the man who bangs Giselle, the man who is so pretty that if you look long enough at a picture of him you come away confused about your life and question your perception of reality. It's been 20 months since his perfect season was ruined by little Manning and the New York Giants. It's been 12 months since his ACL was ruined. He was silent the whole time. You're hard pressed to hear any interviews with him. He rehabed like a crazy person, and watched other quarterbacks get praised for being great. The Cherry on top, he watched Ben Rothlisburger (won his second superbowl), Drew Brees( passed for 5000 yards, the second QB to EVER do that), and Payton Manning (won his third MVP) take ownership over the attention the media usually spends on him. They made the "elite" NFL quarterback group a little more crowded.

I can't imagine Tom the Terrific being too happy right now. Get ready for the excitement. Tom Brady is going to remind us all how awesome he is, and it's going to be freaking cool-well unless you're fantasy team is playing him that week. Then thats not too cool.

Belvin out.


Sunday, September 13, 2009

Week1

Week 1 is the happiest week of September. Chalk it up.

Sarah called me early this morning as a wake up call to go to church. I wasn't trying to get up. I hung up the phone then went back to sleep. Then off in the distance from the living room I could hear the familiar fall sunday mourning rumblings. It started off as a soft murmur, but didn't take long before the volume arose to where I had no doubt what was going on. It was the sound of men getting ready for football.

"HOLY SHIT!!! LETS DO THIS!" I screamed as I ran into the living room and hopped over the couch. And I continued to watch games until Sarah picked me up for some quality churching.

Real quick I'd like to thank the Seattle Seahawks for showing up today and beating the shit out of the Rams. 28-0 is fun for the whole family.

I'd also like to thank the following teams for making me look smart: the Niners, Ravens, Redskins, Saints, Jags, Jets, Broncos, Cowboys, Philly and Minnesota. I would've put the Falcons on that list, but I'm not sure if I actually went with them to cover. True not all of these teams won but I played the spread. LOVE THE SPREAD BABY!

And, oh yeah, HOLY CRAP Adrian Peterson is a freak. First of all, every time I see his commercials (you know which ones I'm talking about... the ones where he doesn't have a shirt on) I die a little bit inside. He is rock on rock. I'm not even sure what work outs you would do to shred up some of the muscles on display in these commercials. The first time I saw his commercial I had a well gerthed penis. After all the games were done, I now have a Vagina.

All jokes aside, A.P. rushed for 180 yards while sick. I mean they had to hook him up to an iv when he threw up at half time, then he went out and had like 150 yards in the second half. That my friends, is a fucking man.

Mark Bulger is not a man, while we are on the subject. The Seattle Defense made him cry. Thats not even a joke. There was a play in the forth quarter when he got hit so hard by Aaron Curry that he popped back up but his eyes look awfully soggy. Once again, SEATTLE IS AWESOME.

I'm going to go play beer pong now. Hopefully I'll actually have a story to tell tomorrow.

Belvin out.