Thursday, November 18, 2010

All Hail the King


In a month that has just been Blazer injury story after injury story, Northwest sports fans have something to smile about- The King has recieved his crown.
Today the 24 year old Mariner Ace, Felix Hernandez recieved his first (and hopefully not his last) Cy Young award after finishing with 21 of the 28 first place votes.
Despite teh 13-12 record (13 wins being the lowest by any Cy Young winner ever) the King finished with major league best 2.27 ERA and lead the American league in both innnings and was second in strike outs.
He was the lone bright spot on a historically bad team. A team whose offense could only be desribed as having a severe eating disorder (which I detailed in "The Ballad of King Felix") the King finished with a 30 quality starts (at least 5 innings while giving up less then 3 runs), which was 3 better then the next closes pitcher.
I never thought he would get the respect he deserved, but low and behold the sports writers of America proved me wrong. And thank goodness for that, because between the M's, the Blazers injuries and the Seahawks, we needed some good news.
All Hail the King.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Yup, another Greg Oden surgery means another Greg Oden centric blog. You knew it was coming, didn't you?

But I'm not sure what to say that hasn't been said about this dude already. It's tragic. It sucks for him, it's sucks for the city of Portland, and it's sucks for the franchise and all of their fans.

Four years ago we got dick teased with the idea of trotting out an All-Star guard in Brandon Roy, a potential All- Star in LaMarcus Aldridge and a franchise corner stone in Greg Oden.

Fast forward to present day, Oden has missed all but 82 games through 3 full seasons, and now Roy's knee's are becoming a concern. And dont' fool yourself, they are a concern. There is too much 'serious' chatter for those things to just be "sore."

This was supposed to be the year we competed for the title. Our big three would be entering their fourth year together, and Pritchard was hell bent on building a team around them to blow this league out of the water.

Sadly, we aren't even a month into the season and I can tell you we are a LONG way off of a title. Roy is playing like crap, Dante Cunningham and Sean Marks play meaningful minutes at center, and LaMarcus has once again been LaMarginal. I feel like pouring a drink.

There just doesn't seem to be any hope on the horizon. Especially with the Greg Oden subject. Greg Oden's knees are like someone who just perpetually live off of social security- not working. Thank God he isn't under contract after this year.

But now the Blaze are in a tricky spot. Do they bring him back? I don't think they should. Unless he agree's to work for peanuts, it's time for him to move along. Let some other team talk themselves into his potential (since he will only be 22) and break the bank for him.

It's time to walk away, Portland.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Michael Vick: The Movie

I know I just wrote about him last week, but after that college stat line he put up against the skins on Monday, it's time to write about him again.

Michael Vick is unbelievable. And it's time to start thinking about the movie Disney is inevidibly going to make about him.

The story writes itself. Athlete with all the talent in the world with a meteoric fall from grace, turns his life around during a two year prison sentence with the help of a religious, soft spoken coach, finds success again after losing everything in the ultimate redemption story.

First things first, lets knock off the cast:
  • Michael Vick- I originally joked that Marcus Vick would be the best one to play his brother. But now that I'm taking this seriously, my make believe studio isn't going to risk investing money in that shit head. After much debate, we have decided that Aldis Hodge will take the reigns of our main character. His most notebale work was in Friday Night Lights as the Hurricane Katrina victim Voodoo Tatum.
  • Tony Dungy- A soft spoken, inspiration former coach who has served as a mentor for Michael Vick since his incarceration. Obviously this role is Morgan Freemans for the taking. Get your kleenex ready, bitches.
  • Coach Andy Reid- Phillip Seymore Hoffman. It's not gonna take a lot of effort for the oscar winner to glue a mustache on and play Reids fat ass. And the huge pay day that comes with inspiration disney movies will get him to put any art house film he is currently working on, on the shelf for a minute.
  • Michael Vick's lady- Taraji P. Henson. I googled a picutre of Vick's woman, and she resembles the actress from Hustle and Flow, and Smokin' Aces. So let it be done.
  • Kevin Kolb- Obviously, Kevin Kolb should play Kevin Kolb. Why not? It's not like he has anything to do.
  • Quanis Phillips - the co defendent in the dog fighting trial, also the man who was shot at Vick's birthday party over the summer of 2010. Idris Elba, aka Stringer Bell from the Wire.

This movie is going to print it's own money.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Week 10: Brief talk about Football and Blazers

Seahawks win, my fantasy team will pull out a win (unless McCoy goes fantasy Ape Shit), and I had what I would call anxiety attack... all in a weekends time. Sounds fun right?

Just a few things while we wait for Vick and the Eagles to take the field:
  • So glad the Cardinals decided to shit the bed this week (not that it's been any different then other weeks) but I really needed the Seahawks to remember how to win. The Giant and Raider games are responsible for a few sleepless nights over the last two weeks.
  • Roy got news that his knee wasn't going to require surgery... the Blazers promptly rattle off loses to OkC and New Orleans. Someone needs to sack up and fight through some pain.
  • Hopefully they can rebound in Memphis (even though Roy will be out).
  • They announce who the Cy Youngs are this week. It sure would be nice for Felix to get the nod.
  • I have a 20 point lead going into tonights MNF game. As stated earlier, he has McCoy and I got Vick. Unless 2006 Vick comes back, I like my chances.
  • I ended up 40 dollars after a night of Poker on Saturday. It almost made up for the fact that I hate my job.

Back to work I go. Someone supervise me if I come in contact with a knife today.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Break out the Rye bread and the Mustard...


Today one of the more familiar voices from my childhood passed away. Long time play by play commentator for the Seattle Mariners, Dave Niehaus died today at age 75.


When I was growing up, often I would head out side when I was bored to hit the whiffle ball around the field. I would do this for hours pretending I was the rising star 3rd basemen for the Seattle Mariners, playing against who ever they were playing that night. I would even go as far to conduct interviews with myself, keep track of my offensive stats, and career milestones.


I used to set up all my at bats as if Niehaus himself was doing it. "Belvin at the plate..."


And when I connected on the long ball, well, we all know his call: " swung on and BELTED...DEEP TO LEFT FIELD... (insert fielders name) going back... to the Track... to the waaaallll.... GOOD BYE BASEBALL!"


Or everyones favorite, the legendary Grandslam call: "Bring out the rye bread and the mustard grandma, it's a graaaaaaaaannnnnnnddddddd saaaalllllaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmiiiiiiii.... "


It's shocking how a guy who I will never meet had such a huge impact on my life. He was the voice to my favorite team (as well as one of my favorite movies, the "My Oh My 1995 Mariners" Recap tape) and I guess to a growing sports fan, thats all he really needed to be. I may never have been able to introduce myself, or shake his hand, but make no mistake, when the news of "Uncle Daves" passing came to my phone, I got choked up.
This man had been there for everything. He saw the first pitch. He called Juniors first home run. He narriated the crappy years as well as the good. Go back and listen to highlight from 1995 (the first year Seattle made the playoffs) Dave gets so hyped up it sounds like he needs a cigerette when the play is over. I'm not joking, youtube Edgars double right now. Do it right now.
He had my dream job, before I knew it was my dream job. He watched Baseball for a living. The man was beyond a hero, he was a freaking inspiration.
After I heard the news, I took a break at work and texted all of my Mariner fan buddies. I texted my brother and I called my dad. We all felt the same. It was a sad, sad day.


We're all going to miss you, Dave. You weren't just the voice for The Mariners, you were the voice for the city of Seattle. We'll miss your style, your skill and your passion for an often passionless franchise.
Most importantly, we'll miss the way you used to freak out over a Junior warning track fly out.

(I don't need to miss the homerun call, I still got the tape )


Fly... Fly Away, Dave.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Week 9 and my flourishing affection for Mike Vick

I couldn't love a human baby more then I love Michael Vick right now. It's not even remotely possible.

First of all he is a great story. He burst onto the national scene at the beginning of the decade by being a human video game highlight reel for Virgina Tech. An arm like Favre with moves like Barry. Thats how he was described. Seriously, he had the skills of a Madden created player.

Then there was the epic fall from grace. And I mean EPIC. Not only was he not producing on the field (go look at his Atlanta numbers, they aren't fun), but he was accused and convicted of hosting dog fighting. He went from the leagues highest paid player, to public enemy number 1 in the blink of an eye. We all know the story, and no I won't show pictures.

He then spent two years in jail getting shit on by the public, losing all his money and probably getting raped a time or two. That my friends is called a life style 180. It probably felt like a never ending Twighlight Zone episode for him.

Now the prodigal son has returned, triumphantly, to lead the Philadelphia Eagles and my fantasy team to unforeseen heights. The Eagles went into the season thinking Kevin Kolb was their guy. They were quickly informed that was not the best decision. Same thing with my fantasy team, I thought Romo ( and Stafford) were my boys. Nope, I packaged Romo up in a season saving deal which landed me Michael Vick as a throw in. Even with Michael Vick being out three weeks (and my team losing all three games) it brings a smile to my face thinking about it.

In a season where the Seahawks are coming off back to back ass beatings-this has been a blessing. As lucrative as it has been for my ESPN team, it's also been just a great story. Seriously, it's the ultimate 'based on a true story' football film. You're welcome, Hollywood. Handle with care.

So lets hope this ride continues, that Vick continues to be the evolutionary quarterback that he was originally promised to be and that he keeps putting up W's for my fantasy team.

And if he keeps it up, maybe his shit head brother can play him in the movie.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

My Philosophy class lacks Logic

This class was fucked from the start.

Today I walked into my philosphy class and noticed that while I was sick last week my philosophy professor seemingly morphed from his fat gut, white beard, Santa Claus's brother with breathing complications self, into a fit-ish, 40 year old dude (with seemingly no flem build up in his throat).

He'd also changed his name.

I stepped out of the class, to make sure I had gone to the right one. Yup, it's the right room. Then I start to think, 'what day is it?'

Yup, it's Tuesday- I'm in the right room.

Who the hell is this guy? Who the hell is the woman in the business suite standing in the corner with a Medusa like scowl on her face. Where the hell is the professor?
Well the answers to those seemingly obvious questions never came. My original Philosophy proffessor could've been abducted by, and gang banged by extraterestrial sex offenders and I would be none the wiser. Or he could've been fired for being bad at his job.
Or he could have health issues which would explain that flem.
But like age old question of 'how many licks to the center of a totsie pop' the world is never going to get an answer. Just gotta focus on the future and keep moving.
And continue to pray for a good grade.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Week 8

I didn't write a post last week, because for the first time in a few years I was on a losing streak in fantasy football. Lost my second game in a row-in close fashion and didn't feel like crying to the masses. There was just nothing positive to say.

Eh, scratch that, the Seahawks are a surprising 4-2 right now. I would've written about them, but due to my work schedule haven't been able to watch them since their week 4 blowout from the Rams. I know the stats, but I haven't been watching the games- and gametracker is not good for not fantasy related inspiration.


Then I got sick (again) and didn't get off my NBA preview (which I'm currently working on, but will actually probably post before this making it look like this was done after-but don't let the posting order fool you it wasn't).

Unluckily for me, due to my sickness I got to stay home and watch the Hawks game on Sunday. I say unluckily for me because despite now having a running game, and winning two in a row- this team shows up in Oakland and gets the SHIT kicked out of them.

Football is really starting to chap my fucking nuts.

I don't get whats going on. We are 8 weeks in and the only team I can say for sure is really good is Pittsburgh (and even they lost last night). None of the good teams appear to know how to take care of business. They all have glaring holes. Green Bay can't run and they don't seem to understand the rules of football. The Saints are either fucking with the crappy teams are they are just not as good as last year. They've already lost 3 games including a game at home to the Browns. Patriots just do enough to get by, far from the dominate team we've seen them field in the past. Philledelphia looked great untill Vick busted his ribs and they got 37 put on them by the Titans.

On the flip side the Oakland Raiders looked awful (again) until they won their last two games by a combined score of 92 to 17 (and the Seahawks took one of those losses).

Minnesota sucks. Favre's playing on a busted ankle and dealing with the dong picture allegations. 49ers are 2-6, the Cowboys are 1-6... seriously go look at my predictions going into the season- I apparently knew NOTHING.

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS GOING ON!?!??

Who is good? The Jets scored 9 points at home (still won though). Ravens in week 7 had to go to over time with winless Buffalo.

And that brings me back to the Seahawks. I thought after the Marshawn Lynch trade they had turned a corner. They were 2-0, with wins at home and on the road. They were taking care of business. Could they possibly be good?

Well that question seemingly got an answer on Sunday with the Raiders taking us out back and shoving their foot in our ass.

And don't even get me started on my fantasy team. Yes, the losing streak did fall to 3 games this week.

Someone make the bleeding stop.