Sunday, February 20, 2011

Hooking Back Up with the Dunk Contest

Last year I broke up with the NBA Dunk Contest. Last night, I saw her at the bar... and I'm not ashamed to say that we hooked up three times and once in the morning and are now talking about working on our relationship. It's so funny how a year can change you.

Last night I sat down, in comlete oposition to what I vowed never to do again, and watched the NBA's annual dunk contest. Despite the fact that we were only a year removed from me being embarrassed for the league wasting time with it's 2010 effort, and effort that forced me to announce, "Unless they do the equivalent of totally reinventing themselves, getting in shape and getting a dope job. Then we can re-open the case of Dunk contest and Belvins compatabillity(The only way this happens is if Lebron and some real dunkers finally show up)."

Well, a real dunker showed up. His name is Blake Griffin. He is the equivalent of a dropping 15 pounds, a brazillian wax and a Trish Stratus like boob job. He is the total package of a highlight dunker. Not since Vince Carter has the NBA had this much buzz over a dunk contestant.


Side Note: I swear on my brothers life if you try to argue this point by saying the names 'Nate Robinson' or 'Dwight Howard' I'll fucking kill you. No one seriously cared about those dunk contests. It was like me last year saying, " Man I can't wait to see what Shannon Brown does."


Blake Griffin does shit that makes you question reality. His dunk on Timofey Mozgov had me thinking I was watching someone play in the Matrix. That dunk seemingly stuck a rocket in his careers ass (and subsequently destroyed Mozgov's simultaniously).


And the best thing is- he wasn't the only player in this contest that I love. The Seattle Sloppy Seconds Foward/Center Serge Iibaka is in too. And I LOVE that dudes game. Let's just say I would do thing that are frowned upon by the laws of the United Nations to get him to wear Black and Red and play his home games in Portland.


Javale McGee, the Wizards hot headed big man also had a huge coming out party. The big man shocked some people with his dunks. 7 footers aren't supposed to have the body control or the athleticism to make you go 'holy shit thats an NBA Jam dunk.' Fortunatly, he did have that athleticism that big men aren't supposed to possess, and everyone watching certainly benifited.


Picture this, Serge jumped clearly behind the free throw line (also, a 7 footer) got me to scream "HOLY SHIT" and didn't even make it out of the first round. Thats what kind of awesome McGee brought to the table.


The point is, I jumped to early in saying 'never'. I was too emotional after last years anti-climactic contest. I should've taken a few days to reflect. You would've expected better from someone who recently got engaged to a girl who I've gone through multiple break ups with over a 6 year period. I've said 'never again' there too, and I'm getting married in July.


That'll teach me.




Ps. DeMar Derozan was pretty awesome too, so here is a picture of him floating in the air being awesome... moments before he gets sodomized by the judges because they don't know who he is.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Rock Says...

I know I already touched on the Rock's return to the squared circle the other day, but after doing some more thinking about it... I'm not done.

He is just SO good at his old job. I'm embarrassed that I needed a 20 minute promo to remember that.

During that 20 minute promo, I became a 13 year old flipping the channel to the WWF when mom wasn't looking again. Watching him in that ring I remembered why he was my favorite wrestler. Shit, he was the reason why my relationship with pro wrestling went from a curiosity to a life long love.
I just sat there, watching him verbally destroy John Cena in a fashion that I have often dreamt about. It's long been my wrestling fantasy ( as well as any male who remembers the Attitude era) that the Rock would one day return to his roots and verbally shit all over John Cena. It played out exactly how I'd want it to. He mocked him, questioned his ball sack and basically called Cena out for being bland and forced down our throats. It was simply magical.
I'm going to try and not get my hopes up too much, because I don't think he'll be here long. Despite the fact that he said "he has returned" and he's "never going to leave again" I don't believe that will translate into a match. But it's fun to think about. I can't even imagine how insane a Rock v Cena match would be. I can safely say, it would be the most anticipated match of my wrestling fan life (second place would be Jericho vs Aj Styles, but I digress).
This just reminds me of how fickle the wrestling business is. A year ago I refused to watch WWE any longer. I was done with their bull shit PG programing. It is impossible to suspend reality when the wrestlers aren't allowd to cuss or bleed. It's hard to support a company that bans moves for being too dangerous when they're pulled off safely and successfully in other companies. Stop hiring shit heads and your guys will remain healthy.
But here we are, a year later and I'm back in. WWE seems to be easing up on the PG attitude a little ( CM Punk threatened self sacrafice, and The Rock was able to do his thing) and they actually have some interesting storys being told right now. And predicably, I'm starting to get real excited for Wrestlemania.
Of course this could all change Sunday by letting Jerry Lawler beat The Miz, but thats for a different rant.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentines Thoughts

Happy Valentines Day to all 4 of my loyal readers. I hope you are all having a good day, and most importantly, I hope you all get some play tonight. That wish goes double in regards to my fiance. I hope you get play too, since that would mean I get play too. Theoretically.

Now that we got that out of the way, Holy shit. What a day.

Valentines day has exactly five minutes left, and I'm up all by myself doing home work watching sportcenter. Kind of. Hard to focus after what just happened. My life just got altered. Valentines Day 2011 will be remembered for the rest of my life.

THE ROCK HAS FINALLY FUCKIN COME BACK TO WRESTLING....

I'm not sure why he did or for how long. I just know that a childhood hero of mine stepped back in the ring for the first time in 7 years tonight, picked up a mic (called John Cena a bitch) and made my brain orgasm for 20 minutes. Tonight, I became 13 again flipping to the WWF when my mom would leave the room. It sure does feel good.

In case you missed it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8ejiG5-BtA



His shirt said 'I bring It'. You're fucking right he did. He brought it hard. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch it 17 more times then try and sleep through the Adrenaline.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Birthday's, Asswhoopings and a Superbowl

Last week was a busy time for me. I was on vacation (from work, not school), I turned 25, and I had a number of prior engagements that kept me away from writing here. I missed two of my favorite yearly blog posts, the Superbowl and my birthday. Nevertheless, I'll just give you a giant up date right now.

First things first, I turned 25. Didn't have anything extravagent planned, just wanted to do dinner with friends and maybe drink a beer or two. The Fiance, however, had other ideas. She decided to throw me a well planned suprise party ( that was nearly ruined by my roommate Derek, but thats for another story). My quiet birthday turned into a laugh-a-minute beer pong tournament that was capped off by a present for the ages- a personalized Blazer jersey.

So, Nate, Rich and Paul, God forbid we have another blown out knee this year, but I'm ready if it happens.


The second thing that happened was my brother Jesse entered the octogon for the first time, and administered a 46 second Tko to some kid who is probably without a girlfriend or family now. I can't begin to put into words what I whitnessed, so here is the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0utq8ZSJsg


In case you're asking yourself "what the fuck just happened?" I'll recap. Jesse took a quick punch to the face, took the kid to the mat, and started to drop bombs on his dome untill the ref called the fight because the kid wasn't protecting himself anymore.

Third, the Superbowl. Or as I like to call it, "The Cherry on Brett Favres Year Long Shit Flavored Sunday." Didn't really have a rooting interest in this game. Part of me wanted to see the Steelers win (which is the same part that loves to watch train wrecks). Can you imagine how awkward it would be for everyone if SexualAssaultlisburger was handed his 3rd Superbowl trophy a year after being accused of sexual misconduct for a 2nd time!? It would've been legendary.

Another part wanted to see the Pack to win. Stepmom is a giant Packers fan and it would allow me to preview what I could feel one day when the Seahawks finally win the big one (yes, I remain painfully optimistic).

Either way, I was ok with the outcome. I did win a good chunk of change through various gambling outlets. Aaron Rodgers played his ass off in January and deserved everything that came to him.

I tip the cap to you, Packers. Get ready though, the Seahawks are coming (someday).