Saturday, March 31, 2012

Wrestlemania 28 preview

It all started a year ago.

April 4th, 2011 The Rock and John Cena met face to face in the ring for what some thought could be the last time. Since the Rock returned Valentines Day 2010, the two wrestling legends squared off, exchanging memerable barb after memberable barb. It was awesome for the fans who have long dreamed of this bout. It was terrible for the then reigning champ, The Miz, who got completely upstaged from what was supposed to be his Wrestlemania moment.

However, instead of saying his goodbyes and one last "if you smell..." The Rock and John Cena swerved the naritive. They agreed to finally get at it-at Wrestlemania 28. The crowd went crazy. The twitters blew up. I dropped a 4 gallon load all over my tv screen. It was everything I've ever wanted since I returned to watching wrestling 4 years ago.

I'd like to think The Rock came back to host Wrestlemania 27 to promote Fast Five. I would also like to think that when he came out on Valentines Day the crowd reminded him of who the hell he used to be. Maybe that rush of having the crowds reciting your catch phrases and chanting your name after 8 years of neglect did the trick. Whatever the reason he said yes, thank God he did.

I always thought the hard part of making this match happen was making it worth it for The Rock. Why would he come back? The majority of his fans didn't give a shit that he left wrestling. His box office results were always decent and it translated into truck loads of money. Why risk looking like Dusty Rhodes for a fraction of the price?

Yeah The Rock did what anyone would've done in that situation. He saw a lucrative oppertunity and took it. Thanks for the leg up, WWE.

But the hard part to this dream match was NOT getting The Rock to come back, apparently. He came back on Valentines day, and a month and half later had agreed to mainevent Wrestlemania 28. It was that simple.

No, the hard part was the wait.
Waitng from April 4th, 2011 to April 1st, 2012 is a long time. Especially for something so specific. You cannot possibly undersell how big this is. This is The Rock vs John Cena. This is the Attitude Era vs PG Era. My generation vs Today's generation.

John Cena and The Rock are arguably two of the four most popular wrestlers, ever (Hogan and Austin being the other two) If the WWE had a Mt. Rushmore, this would be Aberham Lincoln vs George Washington.

The WWE did an ok job to building this match in the last year. I would've bet serious money that they would've used The Rock coming back to finally turn Cena heel ( and maybe they still will), but they seem pretty set on the Face vs Face matchup.

Side note: Cena turning heel at Survivor Series when it was Rock and Cena vs Awesome Truth was my bet at the time. I was convinced, Cena is joining the dark side now. It didn't happen, I sat confused.

Then I became convinced Kane was going to lead him down a dark path. Nope. Just kept him busy while we waited for the People Champion. If Cena doesn't heel out in this story we will probably be years away from him doing it.

The feud was just very drawn out. Which is ok, if The Rock was here all the time giving us hints and refreshing the story. But he wasn't. He was gone for months at a time which put this whole thing on Cena's shoulders to carry. Which would be ok if The Rock were gone for a month or two, but not most of the year.

But the build up is over, tomorrow night is the night of nights. And look, they brought a whole card with them (yes, there are more matches then just Rock vs Cena. There is even title matches)

So lets break them down:
  • Kane vs Orton: Kane just got done being featured for 2 months with Cena. All of a sudden, they had nothing for him. Luckily, Wade Barrett got hurt and now Randy Orton has nothing to do. Add water and stir. Randy Orton will probably win here.
  • Cody Rhodes (Intercontinental Champion) vs Big Show: It doesn't make since that a 6'0" 210 pound dude beating up a 7' 500 lbs giant in real life. Luckily, this is pro wrestling. I believe Cody Rhodes will be challenging Honkey Tonk Man's longest IC reign ever, so somehow Cody is going over.
  • Team Johnny vs Team Teddy: This is filler. This is a 6 on 6 tag match for control of both Smackdown and Raw. It was added so the midcard guys could get a pay day. I would imagine Team Johnny (the heel team) wins here. Teddy Long is boring and the crowd seems to genuinly hate John Lauranitus. Due to bigger reactions, Team Johnny is going to win.
  • Daniel Bryan (World Heavyweight Champion) vs Sheamus: I would love to sit here and pretend I think Daniel Bryan is going to retain. Unfortunately, Sheamus seems to be kissed by the heavens (or the McMahons) and has a rocket up his ass. Sheamus for the win.
  • Undertaker vs HHH- Undertaker isn't losing at Wrestlemania. Ever. And certainly won't be losing to HHH.
  •  Kelly Kelly and Maria Menunos vs Eve and Beth Phoenix: When in doubt, go with the team with the celeberty. Kelly and Maria win (and I used this match as an oppertunity to snag another burger).
  • Punk (WWE champion) vs Chris Jericho: If Jericho wins, you get the automatic rematch next month. If Punk wins, then you have to rely on a story to sell a rematch. I want CM Punk to have a lengthy title run so here is me being hopeful that he wins. CM Punk wins, but shinnanigans gets Jericho a rematch (btw, this will be the best match of the night. By Far.)
  • John Cena vs The Rock- 13 year old me wants The Rock. 23 year old me says, " fuck him he left I hope he gets thrashed." 26 year old me, the tie breaker would love to see The Rock win for pure nestalgia. But he also knows that John Cena will be on Raw Monday, and the next Monday, and the Monday after that. While The Rock won't be. Plus, it's just better for business if the guy who is full timer wins (and The Rock loves this business supposedly) I'm going to say Cena knowing full well I'm probably wrong.
Actually, let me continue this point: If they do put Cena over tomorrow, it would be the absolute perfect oppertunity to heel him out. Not only that, but it would probably be the last oppertunity to heel him out for a while.

Think about it. Cena and The Rock beat the piss out of each other for 20 minutes. The crowd, Rocks home of Miami, is 100% backing their boy. Cena cheats to win. The fans are robbed of a clean finish for Rock's first match in 8 years as well as the maineven for Wrestlemania. There might have to be a Riot squad on deck.

That would absolutely be the biggest heel turn in the history of pro wrestling as far as reaction. Hogans NWO turn would have to move over.

Will it happen? No. Probably not. It's too perfect. They'll probably just have The Rock win and get the nice crowd moment then release a dvd.

(but if the Rock does win, there better be a rematch)


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Six am: Mariners Preview

HAPPY OPENING DAY!!!

The Mariners are moments away from gracing my tv with regular season action, so I figured its time to remember my password to this thing and write some words down.

First, let me address my absence. I wish I had an awesome story like my wife had a baby or I went to prison, but I don't. I was just burnt out from school and didn't feel like writing. It started as me just being pissed off about the Lockout, then eventually morphed into me being disgusted with what I was seeing from the Blazers.

I'm glad I wasn't writing during February, could you imagine the type of vitriol that would've been shot at fat ass Felton? I used to light a candle for my soul everytime I watched him play. It was like God was punishing me for something.

That being said: at this moment, I'm on a break with the Blazers. Following the Celtics 30 point and the Knicks 40 point loss I was out. Why would I give a shit when they clearly didn't?

I did enjoy the moves they made at the deadline. Lots of cap and two potential lottery picks for this years draft? I'll take that as a consolation prize, thank you.

Now on to the men of the hour.

The 2012 Mariners don't look too different than the 2011 Mariners that blew goats once they got to July. So why am I optimistic? Because that team was young. They still have lots of potential.

Remember, Ackley has only played 90 something games last year.

Their core four players, Dustin Ackley, Justin Smoak, Jesus Montero (brought over for Michael Pineda from the Yankees) and Mike Carp all have the potential to be good hitters. Will it happen? Ackley will, I'm confident in that. Smoak should, he was batting .263 with 12 home runs before taking a ball off the hand that derailed his season. And Jesus Montero by all accounts has Mike Piazza power.

As you can tell I'm crossing my fingers.

On the other side of the frame, it's easy to be excited about any team that sends Felix Hernandez to the mound every five games. The 2010 Cy Young winner was 14-14, but more often than not a Felix loss is on the Mariners offense, not on his production.

Fun little Felix fact: the King struck out 222 batters and only walked 64. Thats insane.

The Game is about to start, so I'm going to run down some quick season Keys:
  • Obviously, the first one is we need some offense. I wouldn't be opposed to someone batting .300 this year and maybe somebody hit 30 home runs. I don't think I'm asking much.
  • Felix needs to be Felix.
  • Ichiro needs to either get back over 200 hits, or he needs to put 20 balls in the seats. He is batting 3rd this year, so I wouldn't be opposed to him showing more power.
  • Figgins needs to not be shitty. The Mariners have made a point to say that Chone is more comfortable at leading off. I hope they are right, because I'm not sure how much more of Figgins I can watch before I mail him anthrax.
  • Michael Saunders needs to not suck. He was as productive as a Ghost Runner last year and ultimately lost his job to a sick Franklin Guitierez. Guti is hurt again, so Mike gets another shot. During the spring he was beating the crap out of the ball, so lets hope that new stroke wasn't just because he was teeing off guys who moonlight as gas station attendants.
  • It wouldn't hurt for one of the 3 amigo's to get called up and do a Michael Pineda impression. The Mariners have 3 pitching prospects starting in Double A Jackson that are worth knowing. Denny Hultzen, Taijuan Walker and James Paxton.
Like I do every year I have talked myself into this team. I'm on board with Ichiro and the Baby Mariners. I think they could build on what we saw for the first 2 and half months last year. That being said, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm previewing the Seahawks in June.

Time will tell. And speaking of time, fuck 3 am baseball games. Damn I'm tired.

First pitch time. Let's see what 'Operation Chone Leading Off' has to offer.