Thursday, November 29, 2012

Week 13: Fantasy do-or-die

I love Fantasy Football. It's frustrating and fun all wraped up in one giant burrito ready for your consumption.

This season, in my Vancouver league I started off 1-5. In my other league, I started off 1-3-1.

Through the magesty of trades and just pure awesomeness, I am on the cusp of the playoffs in both leagues. Look, I'm not saying I'm the best Fantasy player of all time, but this is definitly a season that merrits it's own 30-30. Especially the Vancouver League.

Just look a the roster turn over: I have had 75 different players on my team and one point or another this season. The next closest team 54. I have made 8 trades this season. The rest of the league combines for 12 (that includes the trades made with me). So really, there were 4 trades in my league that were made that didn't involve me. Ultimately, through those moves I flipped a starting lineup of
  • Drew Brees
  • DeAngelo William
  • BenJarvis Green Ellis
  • Wes Welker
  • Brandon Lloyd
  • DeSean Jackson
  • Aaron Hernandez
  • Toby Gerhart
  • Giants D
  • Matt Prater k
Into:
  • Drew Brees
  • Arian Foster
  • Ray Rice
  • Wes Welker
  • Randal Cobb
  • Denario Alexander
  • Jimmy Graham
  • Aaron Hernandez
  • Steelers D
  • Kai Forbath
Yeah, suck on that everyone. But really, because of that 1-5 hole I dug myself into this lineup means nothing if I don't A) win this week B) get 3 of 4 specific games to go my way. Really, I need a Flutie Hailmary to get this done.

So cross your fingers, because this team is filthy. And I've worked hard stockpiling this talent. I would really love a championship to show for it.

Now onto Week 13 picks:
  • New Orleans Saints@ Altanta Falcons -3.5 Drew Brees quest to drag this team into the playoffs continues this week. Of course, he very well may just want to continue pissing me off and deliberately lose. Stay tuned..
  • Seattle Seahawks@ Chicago Bears-3 Jay Cutler is lucky he is at home. Because if the Legion of Boom could get to him with a soundtrack provided by Qwest Field, we may have been looking at the first ever on field homicide. I still think Seattle can beat this team.
  • Minnesota Vikings @ Green Bay Packers-7.5 The Adrian Peterson MVP quest continues.
  • San Fransisco  49ers@ St. Louis Rams+7.5 They tied last time. I imagine St.Louis will keep it closish.
  • Arizona Cardinals@ New York Jets -6.5 Fuck the Jets. Sanchez looks like he has Stockholm syndrom.
  • Carolina Panthers@ Kansas City Chiefs +5.5 Cam Newton should be able to get some points on the board against this shitty, shitty KC team.
  • Indianapolis Colts @ Detroit Lions-7 Two words: CHUCK. STRONG.
  • Jacksonville Jaguars @ Buffalo Bills -6 I haven't watched much of either teams. I do know that when Buffalo loses, they lose big. Jacksonville doesn't really have the pieces to put up big points. So... Buffalo wins.
  • New England Patriots@ Miami Dolphins+7.5 The trail of tears continues...
  • Houston Texans @ Tennessee Titans+7 If they playoffs started today, I would put a lot of wood on Houston winning the AFC.
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers@ Denver Broncos -8 This should be close. Denver is due to lose, and Tampa needs this win to keep their playoff chase on.
  • Pittsburgh Steelers @ Baltimore Ravens-7 I feel like everyone expects this game to be close. It always is. But every now and again you need an outlier to throw every one off. Plus, there is Charlie Batch.
  • Cleveland Browns @ Oakland Raiders +2.5 Dirty secret: Cleveland not as bad as their record says they are. Dirtier secret: Oakland might be worse than their record.
  • Cincinnatti Bengals @ San Diego Chargers PK Norv Turner, start working on that tv resume.
  • Philadelphia Eagles @ Dallas Cowboys-10.5 I'm going to take Philly sticking in this game, only because I'm heavily considering picking up their kicker so I don't have to wait for the monday night game to finish my fantasy game.
  • New York Giants @ Washington Redskins +3 Now that we are in December, I think it's time to start picking the Giants in literally every instance.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Week 12

Last week I accidentally took a bye week along with the Seahawks. Since it's Thanksgiving, I don't have a lot of time to write a bunch of comments for each game. Or anything for that matter. So here are my thoughts real quick, and hopefully I can find some time to pound out a more thoughtful column next week.

Here are my picks:


  • Houston Texans @ Detroit Lions +3.5
  • Washington Redskins@ Dallas Cowboys -3.5
  • New England Patriots @ New York Jets +7
  • Oakland Raiders @ Cincinnati Bengals -8
  • Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cleveland Browns +1 
  • Buffalo Bills @ Indianapolis Colts -3
  • Denver Broncos @ Kansas City Chiefs +10.5
  • Tennessee Titans @ Jacksonville Jaguars +3
  • Minnesota Vikings @ Chicago Bears -1
  • Atlanta Falcons @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers +1
  • Seattle Seahawks @ Miami Dolphins +3
  • Baltimore Ravens @ San Diego Chargers +1
  • San Francisco 49ers @ New Orleans Saints +1
  • St. Louis Rams @ Arizona Cardinals -2.5
  • Green Bay Packers @ New York Giants -3
  • Carolina Panthers @ Philadelphia Eagles +2.5

Friday, November 9, 2012

Week 10

Sorry I'm late. Work has been a killer and I totally forgot that yesterday was Thursday untill I was home watching Andrew Luck whip passes around the field against the future LA Jaguars. So Thats on me. Here is my predictions for the week:

  • Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings +1 though Detroit has not been as offensively bad on defense as they were last year, they're still not good. And Minnesota is at home, and desperate for a win. And Adrian Peterson sold his soul to the devil.
  • Atlanta Falcons @ New Orleans Saints +1 I'm calling it RIGHT HERE- Saints win. What am I basing this off of? Nothing. Fact is, I'm a man and men do shit like claim a 3-5 team will beat a 8-0 team. And we say it with confidence (hence the upcase lettering).
  • New York Giants @ Cincinnati Bengals +3 1/2 We are officially at the point of the season where everyone starts talking trash about Eli, and Tom Coughlin calls out his team for poor performance. This obviously means they are going to come out throwing heymakers. Bet your life savings on the Giants here.
  • Oakland Raiders @ Baltimore Ravens -9 Doug Martin went Bo Jackson/Techmo Bowl on the Raiders last weekend. Ray Rice is better than Doug Martin. Fantasy owners of Ray Rice, enjoy (now that I've said that Ray Rice will blow out his hammy, because I am an owner of Ray Rice.)
  • Buffalo Bills @ New England Patriots -12 1/2 Normally I'm not fond of picking a team to destroy their division rival twice in one season. The reason I'm doing it here is because Aaron Hernanez is healthy and they are coming off a bye week. Oh, and the Patriots are assholes.
  • Tennessee Titans @ Miami Dolphins -7 Titans cover. Miami wins. This game is, 'meh'
  • San Diego Chargers @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers -3 Is this the game Phil Rivers remembers he is Phil Rivers? I sure hope so (just traded for him in one of my leagues).  I know I should say "Tampa will win here" but this is about the time where Norv Turner saves his job for another year. So without further ado, Chargers win.
  • Denver Broncos @ Carolina Panthers +4 I have no real feel on this game other than I can't shake the idea of Panthers keeping it close. So I'm going to pick them to cover.
  • New York Jets @ Seattle Seahawks -7 The Jets are coming to Seattle. Mark Sanchez is the QB for the Jets. Jason Jones is healthy for Seattle as well as every card carrying member of the Legion of Boom. This is going to be a NIGHTMARE for the Sanchize. I would imagine this is where we see alot of Tebow.
  • St. Louis Rams @ San Francisco 49ers -12 1/2 There are four spreads of over 9 this week.  I have taken the favorite on two of them (and spoiler: I'm taking the Steelers against the Chiefs) so this is the one that doesn't get covered. I guess my reasoning is SF has a weakness with guarding slot recievers and Danny Amendola is back. Boy that seems like a weak argument when I re-read it. Screw it,  Rams cover.
  • Dallas Cowboys @ Philadelphia Eagles +1 I've been saying Jason Garrett is going to get fired like each of the last two weeks. Both of these coaches' seats are so hot they can't sit with both cheeks down at the same time. I have no idea. I guess I will take Philly since Shady McCoy is the best player on the field and they're home.
  • Houston Texans @ Chicago Bears PK The Bears of Chicago are 7-1 and just hung have a 100 on Tennessee. Here, is your let down game. Edit Note: please believe if I am wrong, Seattle will beat them next week. Smokin' Jay Cutler vs the Legion of Boom is going to be an awfully entertaining matchup.
  • Kansas City Chiefs @ Pittsburg Steelers -13 I would take Pittsburg at -20. So thanks, Vegas.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Week 9: First half review

Full Disclosure: I got nothing to talk about. Last weekend was my wife's birthday and I watched a grand total of about five plays last weekend. Never fear, it just happened to be at the half way point in the young NFL season; so lets see how my predictions are doing!

EDIT NOTE: Sure, some teams have only played seven games. So they don't have as big of a sample size. We'll take that in account, I assure you.

  • Tom Brady is going to be awesome. First in yards, fifth in touchdowns. The Patriots have taken some lumps this season, but not really at the fault of Terrific Tom. So I'm going to get a check here.
  • Russell Wilson will be rookie of the year. Unless RGIII and Andrew Luck blow out hammys while tag teaming a minor I will get this one wrong.
  • Toby Gerhart is going to play a lot and make himself a lot of money. Way off. Adrian Peterson discovered black magic.
  • Mark Sanchez is going to be better this year. Nope.
  • Jets are going to suck this year. Yup.
  • Mark Sanchez is going to be the QB of the LA Jaguars... still in play.
  • Darren McFadden will lead the league in rushing if he stays healthy. He's been healthy, but his rushing totals have not been. WTF, Oakland?
  • Oakland will win 9 games if McFadden stay's healthy. I don't see these dudes going 7-2. So, Fail.
  • Calvin Johnson is going to top last season: In order for this to be true, he has to catch 55 balls, for 1000+ and 15 touchdowns in the next 9 games. Not likely.
  • Arian Foster will not (top last year). I'm going to say "I'm sorry" for this one.
  • Saints will struggle: Check.
  • Peyton Manning will toss 30 td's: a little over that pace with 17 through 7 games.
  • Eric Decker will become a household name: Not yet. lol.\
  • Tony Romo will go for over 4,000 yards: Baring injury he'll get there. He is over half way.
  • Dez Bryant will go ape shit: Bleh, he has been super uninspiring.
  • Larry Fitzgerald will be responsible for John Skeltons death: Who knows, maybe he had something to do with that high ankle sprain earlier in the year.
  • Ray Rice, MVP: Not if the season ended right now. That honor belongs to Matt Ryan. But thats the beauty of 8 games remaining, he could go crazy and make it happen. In fact with all the Baltimore injuries on defense, If Rice put the team on his back and went crazy for the next 8 games he could jack the award still.
So not too far off. I'm going to omit the division standings right now, because the season is only half way done. Right now though, it doesn't look good. Lets get on with the picks.

  • Kansas City Chiefs @ San Diego Chargers -7 1/2 From everything I've read regarding the 2012 San Diego Chargers, Phill Rivers has done everything short of dropping his pants and shit on the field in an attempt to get Norv Turner fired. Losing to the Chiefs would be a less messy way.
  • Miami Dolphins @ Indianapolis Colts +1 1/2 I'm going to ride Andrew Luck here, only because they're playing at home on the turf.
  • Buffalo Bills @ Houston Texans -10 Thanks for playing Buffalo. Damn. The worst part about this, I'm playing Arian Foster in my fantasy league. This is going to suck balls.
  • Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns +3 1/2 IN that previously mentioned game, I just aquired Ray Rice. This is not going to suck balls. By the way, Baltimore limped into their bye week. Now they're playing a shitty team. I full expect a heavy axe to get dropped on Cleveland on Sunday.
  • Chicago Bears @ Tennessee Titans +3 1/2 I'm going to take the Titans to cover more as wishful thinking. My brain tells me I'm being an asshole though.
  • Detroit Lions @ Jacksonville Jaguars +4 Detroit beat Seattle last weekend. Seattle is better than Jacksonville. Detroit will beat Jacksonville.
  • Arizona Cardinals @ Green Bay Packers -11 11 seems like a lot of points to be spotting, untill you realize that it's impossible to cover when you can't score.
  • Carolina Panthers @ Washington Redskins -3 I almost said Carolina just because eventually Cam's gotta get that ship turned around, right? Well, not in Washington. THat town is too amped up over RGIII. Next week, maybe.
  • Minnesota Vikings @ Seattle Seahawks -4 1/2 I had a creative little diddy about a Vikings prayer I was going to put in this slot. Then Frank Gores week 7 performance crept into my brain and I got scared. Adrain Peterson is destroying fools right now. Then I figured Seattles defense IS really good and now has something to prove. Minnesota covers, Seahawks win.
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Oakland Raiders PK
  • Pittsburgh Steelers @ New York Giants -3 I don't feel particularly confident about this one. Just a hunch.
  • Dallas Cowboys @ Atlanta Falcons -4 Falcons run Dallas off the field and Jason Garrett gets chopped. This is the week Cowboy fans. John Gruden, please pick up the red phone.
  • Philadelphia Eagles @ New Orlean Saints -3 Andy Reid will avoid execution this week. Unless I'm wrong...