Seaside Adventure

I went to Seaside today with the Girlfriend and The Baby. It was not my idea, nor was I particularly fond of the idea when I woke up this morning. Despite my excuses on why we shouldn't go, The Girlfriend had her heart set on taking a trip-just three three of us. Ultimately, my lack of interest in taking the two hour drive submitted to The Girlfriends wants and my desire to spend the day with the two lovely ladies.

She had originally planned for us to leave by ten. This didn't happen. You see we decided to leave The Baby under the watchful eyes of Dad and StepMom, then we went out drinking the night away! Upon returning to my fathers house,we were confronted with the fact that The Baby had started another round of teething. Super. It must've hurt like hell because up untill that point, the Lil' One has never, and had never screamed like she did. Oh yeah, she screamed. And screamed. And screamed some more. She screamed for hours.

I'm not sure how much sleep we got last night, but it wasn't much. The Girlfriend, refusing to let a sleep depervation deprive her of Oregon Coast and it's magistry, still urged for us to continue with her plans. Reluctantly, I agreed.

We got on the road about 1 o'clock after we were good and cafinated. The Baby was again less then thrilled with life. I speculate she had every sub terianian tooth pushing at once by how grumpy she was.

However, she did find enjoyment during the car ride with a game she made up. It was very funny. You see she would wait till I was comfortable, maybe my eyes were closed. Then she would let out a little angry chirp to get my attention. Not wanting to hear a full fledged cry, I would oblige and give her my undivided attention. She would then give me the hand signal for 'more' insinuating that she wants more snacks. In this case they were cheerios.

The first couple times, I thought nothing of it. Gradually, her chirps became more frequent. 'No way you already ate those' I would think. Then I caught on to her game. She was putting them all over the back seat. Under her butt, under her car seat, on the floor. It didn't matter. She was like a squirl and those cheerios were getting stored for winter.

After what felt like 9 million years we finally get to Seaside. The town is not like I remember. I remember Seaside fondly for family adventures, as well as the location for my High School Senior Trip. It's the place where the 'Dewaholic' t-shirt was concieved. I'm pretty sure it's the place my parents went on their Honey Moon at. Needless to say, this wasn't my parents Seaside.

First of all, it's small. The buildings are insanely close together, where it felt like you had to

walk sideways to get in between them. The streets are narrow to the point where it was making me feel unsafe driving down them-and I was in the passenger seat. My anxiety started to act up a little.

Second of all, the people. Not a specific person, but the majority of the locals looked like extras from a "Hills have Eyes" sequal. We went into a burger joint I remembered being delcious, because we were both starving. The two dudes manning the grill both had a set of eyes that were so close together on their face they could be confused as cyclops's. The woman, who I imagine was the manager on duty talked as if she could exhale pure nicotine and looked like the spitting image of the Landlord from "Kingpin".

If that refrence is lost on you, please take a moment to refresh:

Yummy. Alright, it's very possible she wasn't that bad, but this is my recollection of the events and I will recall it how I see fit. So suck it. Plus, it's so much better when you have visual aid. Enough of the fun, back to the story.

Third and most important, parking fucking sucks there. It was the Oregon coast in March. Not exactly a dream get away, yet there was still enough people to make us drive around looking for parking about 15 minutes longer then we should've.(side note: we found a parking lot behind the psuedo mall they have there and the situation was so tight that a bicyclist would've felt closterphobic navigating his shit through there. Anywho, some jackass in an SUV decided he would go his own way in the parking lot leading to a confusing moment where two cars were facing each other on a one way path. This didn't help anything.)

When we finally got a parking spot and unpack everything, it instantly starts to rain. Girlfriend is now frustrated. She is hungry, tired, and the rain is why she wanted to leave Vancouver. But the shit followed us. Totally lame.

Needless to say, we didn't last long in the city on the Side of the Sea. Just not that much to do there, at least while it's raining. Maybe if we got to go play on the beach it would've been more fun. Sadly, no beach for us. Just tacky gift shops and an over priced burger.

We did almost do one of those old time photos, which would've been cool. But Baby wasn't holding up and we couldn't decide on a pose. Oh well, maybe next time. Cuz there will be a next time.

Oh Seaside, we've had some good times, you and I. Unfortunately, This wasn't one of them. You were just too far of a drive for that day, your streets are too narrow and your people were extra creepy. We went there to play on your beach and you rained on us. Shame on you.

It wasn't a complete fail though, I mean I did get to spend that quality time with the Girlfriend and the Baby. So in that light, thanks Seaside.

And see you next time.

Special Guest Post: A Born Winner's perspective on marriage

I spent this weekend with my buddy Rob up in Seattle. While we were out and about we got on the subject of my blog and the shit I do on here. It seemed like just passing conversation, but at some point he asked if it would be cool if once in awhile he wrote a "Special Guest Blog." I said 'yes' and didn't think anything about it after that. Well tonight, I got a voice mail from Rob telling me to check my email. Sure enough, the Born Winner has already completed his first special guest post.

Here you go, it's called: "Why Men Get Married"

My whole life I have always wondered why men get married, and untilI started knocking doors and witnessing the interaction, the decision making process, and lives of the elderly I never understood it.

From my point of view I only saw how the women nagged, withheld sex, begged for children, spent all the money (and if things went really poorly took half the money), and so on. My career has given me a completely different take on the situation. This may seem like a sexist rant so far, but this is actually a cautionary tale for you would never guess it...women.

The advantages for women wanting to get married seemed so obvious to me, but the advantages for the men never quite added up. The way I saw it if you stayed single as a man you could: 1. Keep your money 2. keep your freedom, and 3. pray on the single women desperate to get married, or even better clean up on divorcees (even easier).

Here is where the doom and gloom, and ultimate reason guys get married set in for me. When guys get old they lose it. By lose it I mean they are mindless invalids. When most guys hit 70 two things happen either they die (worst case scenario?) or they lose their mind, forget everything, and need someone to wipe their ass for them. I'm serious most old men can't even remember what they had for breakfast at lunchtime, let alone be responsible for personal hygiene. In the end most marriages end up being some type of lifetime symbiotic relationship.

In the early years/middle ages the husband supports the wife financially and emotionally through pms menopause and all that crazy nonsense, which is what I always saw, but in the end they literally need somebody to keep them alive. They can't cook for themselves, they can't clean for themselves, and they certainly can't take care of themselves in any way shape or form.

So congratulations ladies, that free ride you thought you were picking up wasn't actually free in the end. Enjoy wiping ass and taking care of someone that is completley grumpy and ungrateful, that can't even remember the nice things you did for them yesterday.

Coming from me in my mind this is one of the strongest endorsements of marriage I can give. I always heard marriage was a give and take, and as far as I'm concerned wiping ass is the ultimate take. So congrats ladies enjoy the final years of your life as a caregiver.

Quick Ramblings: Things are the chapping my balls

I got some things to say and I have shit for an attention span today. So instead of focusing a post on each of these topics like I normally would, I'm going to just ramble a little bit. It's been a while since I've done that. So without further hesitation, here is what I got on my mind right now:

Listening to the radio today, I heard a commercial start off saying,"3 most frightening letters in the English Language, I-R-S" Bull shit. The three most frightening letters are H-I-V. No contest. 9/10 humans would rather have money issues then a death sentence ( say 9, because apparently Magic Johnson doesn't care if he has AIDS or not. He is rich enough for the cure).

Even with the bad economy, any sane person would agree that money troubles are no match for a virus that kills you. The IRS may be able to do lots of mean shit to you, but in the end you'll still be breathing. You might be naked and without a place to go, but you'll still be breathing. You contract HIV, and you've been handed confirmation that your life has an expiration date.

You tell me whats more frightening.

Big Ben Rothlisburger got busted for sexual misconduct again. This time with a 20 year old in a bar who has a head wound and a convincing story to back her. I have two takes on this. 1, if Ben is innocent then shame on this whore. That being said, even if innocent, Ben needs to start being more careful where he is throwing his attention on. This is two times bro. Eventually we stop believing you.

If Ben is guilty, well then dude, what the hell?! You are a two time Super Bowl winning Quarterback in a blue collar town that love their sports. You play Quarterback for the Steelers. You are the most recognizable face on that franchise. You can't tell me you don't get plenty of offers every day. There has got to be some Steel Mill worker's daughter you can take out for a good romping.

Also if you're guilty, I'm sorry for calling that girl a whore.

I was takin a piss today at the urinal at work and a guy who I know only by facial recognition posted up next to me. Alright, thats not an issue but what is an issue is that he felt obligated to speak. I'm not sure what he was talking about because I was doing what I was supposed to be, and that is concentrating on the flow and minding MY OWN business.

Look if you got something to say, sweet, lets talk about it when our swords aren't drawn. When I'm peeing I want to enjoy it. I don't want to talk to anyone. I especially don't want to talk to another dude who is holding his own meat and peeing. I feel like this isn't too much to ask.

It's just another one of those unwritten rules of life, right up there with "don't pass out with your shoes on" and "if you're currently fighting a civil suite for sexual misconduct, it's a good idea to not do anything that could lead to you being accused of it again two years later in a seperate incident. Most notebaly, with a 20 year old you met at a bar." Right, Ben?

The Great Debate

The other day I recieved an email from The Elder, one of my best friends and an absolute wizard of instigating sports debates (no joke, if I ever get my own radio show I want him to co-host it. No one gets me focused on tangents better then him). The subject line was simply : "Let the debating Being..." naturally, I was intrigued. The Elders email read like this:

I have put some thought and study into this, and I have composed a list of the greatest sports teams of all time. This is my opinion, and i am curious as to what your thoughts are as well as what your lists would be.

Greatest Sports Teams of All Time:

• 1.)1980 Soviet Union Hockey Team*


• 2.) 1995 Nebraska Cornhuskers Football Team


• 3.) 1972-73 UCLA Mens Basketball Team


• 4.) 1995-96 Chicago Bulls


• 5.) 1992 USA Dream Team


• 6.) 1927 New York Yankees


• 7.) 1985 Chicago Bears


• 8.) 2000-01 Los Angeles Lakers


• 9.) 2002 Brazil Soccer Team


• 10.) 2001 Seattle Mariners*

HONORABLE MENTION:2005 USC Trojans Football Team* 1998 New York Yankees

* - asterix denotes that they did not win a championship that season

I had a number of issues with this email. 1, he put a Hockey team first. Not to mention the 1980 Soviet team was the team that lost to the US in the Lake Placid Miricle game. 2, He put the 01 Lakers on this list ( I don't want to step on the toes of my rebuttle, so just wait for my reasons why). 3, he put the 01 Mariners. The team that was famous for it's out of no where 116 wins, and infamous for choking like David Carradine (I'm sorry, thats not funny. Autoerotic asphyxiation is a serious matter and should be treated as such, haha)

What upset me the most about the 01 Mariners being on the list, was I felt like he was taking a personal dig at me. How could he possibly think this team was better then the 98 Yankees? They only won two less games then the 01 Mariners, but blew through the playoffs and won a World Series. It just did't add up.

Being a Dodgers fan, he wasn't left a bloody mess after the 2001 ALCS like I was. The idea that he deliberatly put the M's on there to piss me off put me in a bad place the rest of the day. Before I replied to this email, I had to have his reasons for including them.

After talking to him, I realized his reasons for putting the M's on there were justified. Wrong, but justified. Armed with the reassurance that this was legit, I fired back my response:

Can they really be "Greatest teams" If they didn't win a championship? I disagree with a few members on your list. Mainly the Soviets and the Mariners ( that was painful. Someone call my doctor, I'm going to have some issues to work through). They didn't win. If any team deserves to be on this list without a championship it's the 07 Pats. Thats it.

The Soviets lost to college kids and amatures. Is the 92 dream team losing to a team made up of college versions of Grant Hill and Chris Webber (actually legend has it is they did beat the 92 team in a scrimmage, but Allen Houston started talking shit, and Michael Jordan made sure Mr. Houston didn't touch the ball the whole next game they played.) Point is, Jordan is not losing to amatures with a medal in his grasp.

Two, my beloved 01' Mariners. They won a major league record 116 games. They were a fun team to watch, and an easy team to root for. But as they proved in October, they were not great. They lost to the Yankees in the ALCS. Here is where it's going to get painful. Those 98 Yankees were the best baseball team I've ever seen. They won their division by 22 games. They won the most games ever at that point with 114, and had a playoff record (including sweeps in the divisional round and the world series) of 11-2. They had young Derek Jeter, a entering his prime Bernie Williams and an All-Star year out of Tino Martinez. They had Pettite, Cone and a overly productive David Wells. The team had NO holes. It's shouldn't be close.

01 Lakers? Why? They won their division by 1 game over the Kings. They didn't win 60 games. They were completely average untill Shaq got his fat ass into gear, and happened to lay waste to the western conference playoffs. That aside, the 96-97 Bulls as well as the 85-86 Celtics both 69 wins and are largely debated as some of the greatest teams ever. Long story short, no team with Shaq's fat ass deserves to be in the top ten sports teams ever.

AND WHERE THE HELL IS THE 72 DOLPHINS! They went undefeated!

That was my response to everything. I obviously had some quams with The Elders list.

Real quick though, lets talk about the 72 Dolphins. True, they were in a less talented league then we currently have, which has been the common response from anyone reading that original email.

"The line men were smaller," "The players were slower," "They played less games," the ney sayers say. While all these are true, only the third I recognize as a valid complaint. The undefeated Dolphins of 1972 are the only undefeated team in any of the four main American Pro Sports history (Those four: Football, Basketball, Baseball and Hockey). They were 17-0 that year (to be perfect in the NFL now you would have to be 19-0). Two extra games means you have two extra chances to spoil perfection. I understand this, and it's a good point. However, there were also less teams meaning the talent wasn't as spread out. For the talent pool available was much more condensed then it would be now.

This brings us to the next two arguments, that there was a lack of athleticism then there is in today sports. There for we shouldn't recognize that team. That maybe so, but that could be said for all sports.

You can't tell me that there is a single team in the NBA right now that would lose to a team in the NBA 30 years ago. Could you imagine a former MVP Dave Cowens trying to guard a guy like Dwight Howard? Cowens was slow and 6'9", yet he was also a 2 time MVP. Dwight Howard can dunk on 12 foot rims. This would not be a game, it would be an execution.

The only sport that can translate is from 30 years ago to today is Baseball. But even then, the old team is battling up hill because of how physically perfect (granted, most artificially) the players are. In 1972, it's not inconcievable to see a player built like me (5'10" 175 lbs). Today, your average player is built like a Florida State line backer.

Example: Ozzie Smith, all star and hall of fame short stop. Played almost 20 years in the MLB. He was listed at 5'11" 150 lbs. Derek Jeter (a player who no one has EVER suggested to have done roids) is listed at 6'3" 195. Both All Stars. Ozzie is in the Hall, Derek is heading there. Here is the catch, Derek is considered to be not a very big dude. Back when Ozzie started out, Derek would be considered a power hitter. Now he is a line drive hitter.

All sports have evolved. Just because a team was perfect in 1972, and not 2010 doesn't mean they weren't perfect. They played the best in the world at that time, and they beat the best in the world at that time. They were great then and they are great now.

Done and done.

So here is my list of the Greatest Teams of All Time:

1. 95-96 Bulls: 72-10, 33 of which were road wins, which is an NBA record. They had the MVP, Michael Jordan, and three members on the leagues 1st team All Defense squad (Jordan, Pippen and Rodman). They also went 15-3 on the way to claiming their 4th ring in 6 seasons.
2. 95 Nebraska- Yeah I agree with The Elder on this one. The numbers are jaw dropping. They went un-defeated and slapped second ranked Florida 62-24 in the Championship game. Also, they beat four other top ten ranked teams by 23 that season.
3. 92 Dream Team: First year America sends the pro's to do business, and boy did they ever. 10 of the 12 were voted on the 50 Greats Players of All Time team. They set the bench mark for which all other Olympic basketball teams will be judged (especially the American teams. Just ask the "Redeem Team"). They took home the Gold Medal while sporting an 8-0 record with an average win of 43.75. Way to show up, rest of the world.
4. 72 Dolphins: Again, UNDEFEATED.
5. 85 Bears: 18-1 (15-1 in the regular season, 3-0 in the playoffs). A team that had Michael Singeltary AND Walter Payton ran through three playoff games outscoring teams 91-10 on their way to a Super Bowl. Yeah, thats great.
6. 98 Yankees- As stated, 114 wins, swept the World Series. Won their division by 22 games. 4 different guys with 20+ home runs. All 5 guys in their rotation won atleast 13 games.
7. 76-77 Montreal Canadians- NHL players weren't allowed to play in International Hockey tournaments until 1988, so to me that voids out Olympic Hockey teams. Looking at the NHL, the all time leader in Points is the 76-77 Montreal Canadians. They were 60-8 with a home grown squad ( 14 of their 24 players were originally drafted by them) and outscored opponents by 216 goals (also an NHL record). They outscored opponents by an average of 2.7 goals a game, and swept the Boston Bruins on the way to winning their 20th Stanley Cup.
8. 1973 UCLA Bruins- 30-0, destroyed Memphis State in the championship behind Bill Waltons 44 points (Which was just another day in the office, he hit 21 of 22 field goals)
9. 1985-1986 Boston Celtics- They went 40-1 at home and had 67 wins overall. They won their 16th championship over the previous 22 seasons that year and had the Leagues MVP (Bird, who won his third straight that year). Also they had 4 members of the NBA's 50 Greatest Players of All time Team.
10. 2002 Brazillian Soccer Team- Now I'm not the smartest Futbol fan in the world, so I decided to assume The Elders pick was the wise one. That being said I looked up what this team did, and oh buddy did they beat ass. They went undefeated in their Group, then as soon as the knock out trournament began ran amuck, only giving up 1 goal in 4 games (They won the Cup, and outscored their four opponents by 7-1)

HONORABLE MENTION

1. 1927 Yankees: Won their division by 19 games and swept the Series that year. They put up the 5th highest win total ever: 110 wins (in only 154 games). They also 107 home runs between their 3-4 hitters (Ruth 60, Gerhig 47). The knock against the, MLB was only white dudes at this time.
2. 07 Patriots: Only team to go un-defeated through the regular season in the NFL since they expanded to 16 games. Thats gotta be worth something. Tom Brady and Randy Moss set records for Touchdowns by their positions (Brady threw 50 Td Passes and Moss caught 22 of them). They didn't win the Superbowl, therefore do NOT belong on my Top-10.
3. O1 Lakers: Just because Shaq has a fat ass, and this team coasted through the regular season doesn't mean I'm not going to show their playoff dominance some love.