Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Pritch Slapping of Kevin Pritchard


Moments before today's NBA draft, Paul Allen finally did it. After months of speculation the old man finally fired GM Kevn Pritchard.

For those of you who don't know Kevin Pritchard, he is a man who took over the role as GM in 2007 and since then has rebuilt the Portland TrailBlazers brick by brick into the team that we support today. When he took over in 2007, we were a team of douche bags and sex offenders. When he took over we had max contracts to Zach Randolph and Darius Miles. When he took over, our arena was bankrupt, our owner was looking to sell, and we were in the midst of our longest playoff drought in 30 years. When he took over, we were a 20 win team.


He went into the 2006 draft officially the "Assistant GM" of the Portland Trail Blazers. Unofficially, he was running the team (lets face it, Steve Patterson was incompetent). The 06 draft ultimatly proved to be an accurate forshaddow of how KP was going to run the team over the next four years. It was on that day he influenced the decisions that turned Sebastian Telfair, Ty Thomas and Randy Foye into Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge.

It was draft day 2007 that the phrase "Pritch-Slap" was born. (Pri-tch slap!: term signifying a one sided trade, draft or free agent signing where GM Kevin Pritchard is the benifactor). The phrase took life after he conned Isiah Thomas into taking Zach Randolph off our hands. Then called up Phoenix (notoriously cheap bastards) and offered them 1 million dollars for spanish sensation Rudy Fernandez.

Unfortunatly, the genius that took place that day is often over shaddowed by the presently one sided debate of Oden vs Durrant. KP was given the task of decided between a potential franchise center, or a potential franchise scorer. KP, like anyone else in his position, went with the once in a generation franchise center.

Proving that he isn't a mystic, the draft pick so far has proven to be grossly onsided in the outcome (Durrant is the youngest scoring champion ever, and Greg Oden has struggled to stay on the court). Thankfully for everyone, Oden is still 22 years old.

Speak to any Trail Blazer fan and they'll talk for hours of the often overstated abillities of KP. "Who would win in a a game of 1-1, MJ or KP?" "Who would win in a fight, KP or Chuck Norris" or my personal favorite, "Who would win in a 100 meter free style swim, KP or Michael Phelps?" According to local legends, KP would stand victor.

Sadly, the executive with the brassest balls (it's been reported that KP has no problem calling up teams like Miami and offering them a lap dance and a corn dog for superstars like Dewayne Wade) is now jobless. He saved basketball in Portland, and Paul Allen turned on him in a manner fitting for a pro wrestling storyline. In short, Paul Allen 'Pritch Slapped' Kevin Pritchard.
He deserved to see this through. It's a sad day for him and it's a sad day for Rip City.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Kobe and his 5 rings

Going into this series, I felt disconnected. My team, the Portland Trail Blazers were long ejected and are dealing with their front office turmoil. Over the last two weeks, I have been more focused on what Pritchard might be doing to save his job, and less on the 08 Finals rematch.

Despite my where I have directed my attention, and my belief that the world revolves around me, the NBA finals are infact taking place with the leagues most storied rivalry. The Celtics vs The Lakers.

Yes this dance has been done before. 12 times dating back to the days when the Lakers called Minneapolis home. We've had Russell vs West, Bird vs Magic, and now Kobe vs the big Four (Rondo has been invited to the adults table now). I'm intrigued because of the history between the two franchies, but honestly this wasn't even in my top five dream 2010 matchups (that didn't include Portland). So I went into this series not giving a shit who won.

Or so I thought.

I now live in a world where Kobe Bryant has 5 NBA titles. Disgusting. I knew that it was a possibility. If you enter a season with 4 rings, and go on to another one, that gives you five. But it didn't really dawn on me untill the Lakers beat the Suns that in two weeks time Kobe could have a handfull of rings.

Even then, the significance didn't dawn on me untill the Lamar Odom launced the ball down court and (fittingly) a streaking Kobe Bryant ran down the ball as time expired and the Staples Center errupted in celebration. Kobe Bryant has 5 NBA Championships. It rolls off the tounge strangely smooth. I don't like it.

Kobe Bryant is a MONSTER. There is not much more to say about a man who has had the career that Kobe has. He has done everything. He has an MVP. Out of his 11 All-Star appearences, he has 3 MVP's. He has played in 7 NBA finals, winning 5 of them. He has 2 NBA Finals MVP's. (he even has been cleared of one case of rape allegations).

Kobe Bryants stats will win out in most penis showing contests.

He is a cold blooded, calculating, son of a bitch. When he gets upset, he does not seem to be above contemplating murder. Even towards teammates (especially towards teammates). .He has never been mistaken for the worlds best teammate. Or the second. In fact, the man is widely accepted as quite the douche bag to play with.

Need proof? Here is what Ron Artest said during his press conference after the Game 7 win, "What you saw in Boston Kobe wanted to win. People said he wasn’t passing, blah, blah, blah, but Kobe wanted to win and he didn’t know if he could win playing with us at that time."

Uh, ok? He didn't know he could win playing with the team? That team has made only one real change in three years was adding former All- Star (and the super crazy) Ron Artest. Kobe know's what his team can do. Whether or not he decides to use his team is a different story. Kobe isn't stupid, he's just got an ego to feed.

Ron continues my point, " Today he wanted to win, he didn’t want to lose. You saw a determined Kobe Bryant, Black Mamba, two four, who wanted to win, but it wasn’t with the team. Late in the second half he started to move the ball and attack and pass and still was Kobe Bryant, and he trusted us and made us feel so good and he passed me the ball. He never passes me the ball, and he passed me the ball. Kobe passed me the ball, and I shot a three."

And thats Kobe, perfectly summed up through the eyes of his crazy ass teammate. Kobe tried to win by himself. He tried to win a championship as the Black Mamba. It took him till the second half to decide to go into teammate mode and see how that went. Again, Kobe isn't stupid. Kobe knew his legacy was about to get shit on if he lost that series. He allowed his teammates to do what they got paid to do (which is play basketball). And they won.

And now Kobe has 5 rings. I'm not sure I feel good about that. I forsee a giant headache over the next decade.

It' s not outside the relm of possibility to see Kobe playing10 more seasons. He has never had a major injury and as long as he gracefully accepts his role as his talents diminish, he very well could play to 40.

How annoying are the talking heads of ESPN going to be if and when Kobe goes for ring number 6? Or worse, number 7?! It's going to easily match, possibly exceed the Lebron Free Agency hype of this summer. The worst part about it, is if he plays 10 more seasons the story can play it's self out and be written and re written for a decade. I'm already ready to vomit blood.

The bottom line is this. Kobe Bryant is one of the Greatest Basketball players of all time. He has MVP's, Scoring Titles, Olympic Gold Medals as well as a slew of Larry O'Brian Trophies (NBA Championships). Unfortunatly, he is a douche bag.

Two weeks ago, I didn't care which team was going to win. Didn't matter. My Blazers had been home since early April. But as the final buzzer rang, and Kobe held up the trophy for a fifth time, old wounds were reopened. I felt sick.

In that moment I came to a harsh realization. I live in a world whereKobe Bryant has 5 rings.

And I'm not prepared for this shit.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Status Update: Blazers, Mariners, Seahawks-oh my.

The Blazers are pissing me off right now.

The draft is upon us and the big news coming out of One Center Court isn't who we are targeting to sign or draft, rather it's who we are going to fire.

Yes, Paul Allen apparently still has his knife sharpened for K.P.

I hope it doesn't happen.

In other news, Cliff Lee is incredible and the Mariners are not. All signs point to Cliff Lee's tenure with Seattle ending soon. He has been incredible and it's sad we can't even field a decent hitting team. Shit, it's sad we can't even field a respectable hitting team.

Outside of Ichiro, no one is within 20 points of a .300 average. And unless Felix and Cliff figure out a way to get up negative runs, thats not an effective formula for winning.

The only positive thing to come to my attention lately about my three teams is that Lendale White (who was recently acquire to come play with his College coach, Pete Carroll in Seattle) apparently showed up out of shape to a training camp, and got his ass cut.

The Justin Forsett era continues!

Monday, June 7, 2010

6/7/10

Life is all about being prepared. Your parents spend your first 18 years preparing you for the real world. You go to college, to prepare yourself for whatever career path you are interested in( or prepare yourself for a life of alcoholism). As human beings, we don't have a successful track record for acting impulsivly. We like to have that peace of mind that we have some idea what we are doing.

Today, my brothers and I drove 2 hours to Tacoma to visit and say goodbye to our grandma at a Hospice House. I wasn't prepared for this afternoon. We knew she had been sick for a long time, and long expected this time to come. But for as expected as this could've been, I sure wasn't prepared for this.

It felt like studying for a test for weeks, feeling comfident that you're atleast going to pass, then when you open it up it's in spanish. Thats how I felt today.

It reminded me of playing organized basketball, practicing for weeks on the same plays, over and over again. Then game 1 comes, you and your teammates are out warming up, buzzin with nervous energy ready to demonstrate your abillities. Then you notice the other team, all of them over 6 foot. All of them draining full form three pointers. All of them needing to shave. Then that nervous energy turns into utter fear.

You were not prepared for these guys. You were expecting the Toonsquad, and you got the Monstars. What happens next is 40 minutes of systematic ass beatings. You and your buddies promptly forget your weeks of strategy and practices, and you are dismantled.

There are certain things you can't prepare for. Walking into that room, and seeing my grandma in that condition-thats one of them. I broke down in that room (and to be fair, in the car on the way there. My dad thought she was almost gone before we got there, so they called so we could say 'bye'. Needless to say, I was unable to keep my composure). Today, I cried as hard as I can remember crying. Ever.

Despite my belief that my Grandma, who was enduring intense pain, was heading to a wonderful place where she will spend eternity pain free, I couldn't shake the hurt.

I can't begin to explain everything (or anything) I thought about in that room. I watched as my dad and uncle tried to hold it together in front of their families. I wondered about the levels strength it took to do that. I looked at my grandma, and prayed that she considered her life mission completed.

I started to think about my own mortallity, which is always a hot spot for my anxiety. Nobody knows how much time we have on this planet. I could live till I'm 100, or I could go while I'm writing this. No one knows. The only thing we can do is make sure that when it's time, we're not riddled with regret.

Standing in that room, everything felt so heavy. My chest started to hurt. Thats not a metaphor. My chest actually hurt. I was watching someone who was directly responsible for my existance, who I loved very much, living through what was going to be their last moments.

I wasn't ready for this.

When it comes to the death of a loved one, you can throw out the idea of being prepared.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Lost Sucks

The title says it all.

The Roommate has been watching Lost, and I have caught clips because we obviously share the same living room. I still don't like that show.

I remember two years ago I tried to get into it. I really did. I have vowed (we can call it the Arrested Development Amendment) that I will give any tv show I choose to watch at least three episodes to suck me in. Three gives me enough time to get behind characters and care about the plot. If you don't have me by three, you suck.

Two years ago, I gave Lost the three episode test. I put it on and tried to get through it. I watched the first disc of season 1. It was ok. I thought I was enjoying myself. But for whatever reason I got busy and couldn't watch again the next day. Or the next. After a few days of not watching it, I didn't care. I didn't give a shit if i was bored or not, Lost didn't appeal to me.

Thats not a great sign for a tv show that needs it's fans to be devoted to care about the middle seasons when they apparently explore time travel and alternent universes.

I didn't care about the show before it turned into a fucked up science fiction show, I sure wouldn't care about it then.

I moved on.

In case you are wondering what shows I do suggest, I'll list 10 favorites:
  • The Sopranos
  • Entourage
  • Weeds
  • The Wire
  • Friday Night Lights
  • Dexter
  • How I Met Your Mother
  • Archer-cartoon.
  • Scrubs
  • Arrested Development

Peace.