Sunday, August 28, 2011

Ramblings: Fantasy Football Preview

It's here, it's here, it's HERE! Like a theif in the night, the NFL lockout ended, free agency and training camp happened and now the NFL season is a pubie hair away. And I couldn't be more excited.

Not only does this mean I can stop watching the Mariners score 4 runs or less night in and night out, but it means I get to start talking Fantasy Football again. With one draft in the tank and another a week from today I'm going to let you in on my thoughts about this upcoming football season for the nerds.

Here is who I like this season:

Quarterback

  • Michael Vick- look, the dude played in 11 games last year and scored 300 points. If he continues playing like he did last year, he only needs to play 10 games for him to be a top 5 running back. Mathew Berry had a stat on the BS report that had Vick (stat wise) a top 10 quarterback AND the 16th best RB. By that math, you are basically starting an additional player when you have Vick.

  • Aaron Rodgers- After last years playoff run/Superbow win- Brett Favres former back up is king dick untill proven otherwise. The last three seasons Rodgers has played in 47 of 48 possible regular season games and had touchdown totals of 28-30-28.

  • Ben Roethlisberger- If you are in a league that scores sexual assaults, don't let Big Ben's newly minted marriage scare you from picking him up. If you are in a boring league that only counts what he does on the field, expect a huge year from the Assualtlisburger. Last year, he led the league in yards per completion. Had he not been suspended for four games for calling an audible in a Ladies Room of a night club, we would've been looking at someone who in the 22-26 touchdown range and 4200 yards. Still not convinced? Then allow me to remind you that Mike Wallace is still a Steeler.

  • Tom Brady- 3900 yards. 36 touchdowns. 4 fucking interceptions.

  • Tavaris Jackson- That was a joke. And a mean one at that.

  • Running Backs:



    • Adrian Peterson- Don't agree? Fuck you.


    • The rest of the field: Running backs are a crapshoot every year. After AP, I can talk myself out of every RB in the league and just wait for this year's Payton Hillis to come out of nowhere and string together back to back 150 yard games. So we are going to switch it up, and I'm going to list the rest of the top five and why I WOULDN'T take them:


    • Chris Johnson- just showed up to camp. Thats a missed block, super concussion waiting to happen. True, if he plays 16 games he is a threat to push 2000 yards. But a hold out Running Back getting super injured is a story that has been told, and told and told again. Be aware.


    • Arian Foster- That dude has a bad hamstring and a good running back waiting to take his spot. Thats not a good equation. That being said, he did lead the league in rushing last year.


    • Ray Rice- I actually don't have anything negative to say, other then he plays for Baltimore. Even that is not a good detractor, so, you should probably take him.


    • Jamaal Charles- he was cool last year because while AP and Chris Johnson went for 60-70 dollars in auction drafts, Charles went for 25. Now he's going in the Ellite running back neighborhood. That shouldn't stop you from getting him, but it definetly makes it less cool to own him.

    Wide Reciever

  • Larry Fitzgerald- Why? Because he doesn't have Max Hall or Derek Anderson skipping balls to him anymore. The fact that Larry didn't kill someone or get decapitated himself by being led to far across the middle is a miricle in itself, let alone the fact that he managed to catch 90 balls. Here is a prediction: Larry is catch 110 balls this year.


  • Roddy White- Four straight years of 80+ catches and 1100 yards, including last years monsterous 115 catch, 1389 yards 10 touchdown campaign.


  • Megatron- Calvin should be a crime fighter, not a reciever. Fortunately for whoever aquires him, his profession is still the latter.


  • Andre Johnson- He guarentee's you 5 games every year where you find yourself thinking the cornerback owed him money and thats why you are looking at the stupid stat line that he put up. On the flip side, he also guarentee's you a stupid injury. He comes with a buyer beware lable for sure.


  • Mike Wallace- Just a hunch, but I feel like you're gonna want this guy.
  • Those were probably fairly obvious so I'll dig a little deeper for those of you who need my genius: I feel like Tony Romo is going to bounce back this year. That Dallas offense looked 700 times more effective after Jason Garrett successfully sabotouged Wade Phillips coaching career.

    I have this lingering feeling that Payton Hillis is going to blow out his knee this year. I have nothing to back that up with other then running back who come out of nowhere often go back into the hole inwhich they came quickly. I hope I'm wrong, the league needs a white running back to keep everyone on their heels.

    I want to be able to say Sidney Rice, Mike Williams and Zach Miller are going to be fantasy sleeping giants this year. But I'd also like to say someone other then Tavaris Jackson or Chaz Whitehurst are the Seahawks Quarterbacks. Unfortunately, I can't on all five accounts. My only hope is Tavaris finds his inner-Willie Beamen.

    While I'm on the subject of players to stay away from, lets talk about Frank Gore and DeAngelo Williams. First Gore, who is coming into this season with only 1 full season under his belt in 6 tries. He is 28 (the year running back start to die), returning from an injury, and bitching about his contract. Plus, he is still in an offense being led by Alex Smith. In other words, this is not going to end well.

    DeAngelo Williams is somewhat in the same vain. He is coming 28 and fresh off a season that end injury. The difference with him is that he isn't bitching about money, because he just got grossly overpaid. The Carolina Panthers outbidded themselves to overpay an injured, aging running back.

    Lastly, I imagine there will be alot of you people clammoring over OchoCinco. You will use arguements like: he is out of Cincy, he is playing for a ring, and he has Tom Brady throwing to him. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I secretly agree. Publically, I am going to say the Patriots/OchoCinco relationship will end badly. Possibly a shade under Dawayne Wade and his now ex wife badly. But secretly ( and since this blog is my forum for making my secret thoughts public), I can see Ocho rebounding and putting together one last solid season. Mind you, he won't be taking it to the pay dirt 23 times like Moss did in 2007, but I don't think it's outrageous to see him dance 11 times.

    Also, if I could add one piece of advice for those of you getting ready to draft your teams. Don't drink and draft. I did for one of my leagues last year and won 3 games. Don't do it. You will draft someones backup for shits and giggles then over pay for Shone Greene (who wouldn't be a bad pick up this year).

    Wednesday, August 24, 2011

    A Charasmatic Comeback

    Jeff Hardy annoucned on Twitter earlier this week that he was scheduled to make his return at this weeks Impact Wrestling tapings, which are being filmed in Huntsville, Alabama. Hardy, a former World Champion in both WWE and TNA, has been out of action since March due to health concerns.

    And by health concerns, I mean the dude has a fucking drug problem.

    To be more specific, Jeff Hardy hasn't been seen since March's Victory Road Pay Per View, which he was tapped to be in the main event with the Icon Sting. However as he approached the ring, Hardy looked to be noticibly intoxicated, going as far as almost slipping off of the ring. Not wanting to put Sting in harms way, TNA managment decided to call an audible and had Sting finish the match as quick as possible.

    TNA wasted no time in sending Hardy home and severing the story line in which he was the primary focus.

    Edit Note: The storyline had Hulk Hogan and business partner Eric Bischoff complete a hostile take over of the TNA company, forcing (real life president) Dixie Carter out. They Aligned themselves with Jeff hardy at Bound For Glory (revealing themselves as the "They" I wrote about a year ago), and titling their faction as 'Immortal'.

    Hogan and Bischoff opened the first episode of Impact after Victory Road by burying Jeff Hardy, and in one simple act- throwing his custom world championship in the garbage- Jeff Hardy's status within TNA was both creatively and actually in question.

    Had Jeff Hardy wrestled his last match in a National promotion? His drug problems have long been publicized (to date, Hardy is still under trial for trafficing charges steming from a September 2009 raid of his North Carolina residence.) and his bridge at the WWE has seemingly been torched ( in 2009 he declined to resign with the WWE, siting that he needed time off. Four months later, he signed with TNA).

    For months Hardy has been out of sight. Only reports of his trial being postponed and the ever occasional confusing tweet on his personal twitter account would be the evidence his fan base needed to know that the Charismatic Enigma was still above ground.

    According to interviews with both Kurt Angle and his Victory Road opponent, Sting, Hardy had used the time off productively and was working on getting healthy.

    A leaked rumor on multiple wrestling websites had Jeff, returning near Bound For Glory to team with his brother Matt Hardy ( who had at that time, just been suspended for showing up late to shows). Those plans have seemingly been scrapped, as brother Matt was fired from the company this week following a car wreck, and possible DUI charges.

    So where does that leave the 2 time TNA champion? With his Impact return happening in either of the next two weeks all we can do is speculate, and speculate we will.

    First things first, Jeff Hardy should not come back as a heel. The days of the 'Anti Christ of Pro Wrestling' need to be over. Atleast for the time being. Jeff Hardy's heel heat came from his on screen betrayal of the fans and him joining up with Hogan and Bischoff who were taking over the company. Hogan and Bischoff buried him on screen- his ties with them are over.

    If I were booking TNA ( Lord knows I should be), I would have Jeff Hardy return as a sympathetic figure. Hardy's initial return should be staged around an apology. He's not involved in a story right now, and this close to No Surrender ( which is focusing on the BFG series matches) there isn't much sense in putting him in one. Pull a page out of the current WWE strategy, and have Hardy come out with no make up, no ring gear, just looking like normal, every day Jeff Hardy. Make it feel like TNA is pulling back the current. Make it feel like a shoot.


    Hogan and Bischoff already planted the seeds for this type of return by mentioning that he has 'demons' on air, and those 'demons' were what caused the fall of Jeff Hardy to take place. I wouldn't go as far to have him say " I do drugs" or anything, but I absolutely would have him cryptically referenced poor decision making. I would have him say something with lines like, "I'm rehabing my life" "I allowed myself to be corrupted" and "I've hurt alot of people." By being cryptic, you can work a story around the idea that his problems started when he joined Immortal. He needs to finish his inital diatribe by saying he is sorry, apologizing to his fans and all the 'boys in the back'.

    One of two things can happen now: A face can come out and say that he isn't welcome, or Immortal can.

    Before Hardcore Justice, I would've wanted Angle to do it. Angle could've come out and say something like " I put my legacy in jepordy by leaving the WWE and coming to help establish this company. You nearly screwed up my five years of work. You want to come back, you need to prove it to me that you are ready." And then challenge him to a match at either Bound For Glory. Angle and Jeff Hardy had one of my favorite matches of 2010 at No Surrender last year, I would've absolutely be down for watching a sequal at Bound For Glorry 2011.

    Unfortunately, TNA can't make up their mind on characters, so they turned Angle heel and put the title on him and unless something retarded happens in the next month he will be in the main event title match at Bound For Glory.

    Filling in for the Face side, I'd have AJ Styles. He has been in TNA since day 1 and his group, Fortune, has been feuding with Immortal all year. AJ, who is arguably the face of TNA, can say roughly the same things that Angle could, " your stunt could've brought down this company. You want to come back, you need to prove it to me." This makes Styles the obvious choice for calling Hardy out on his integrity. Jeff Hardy vs AJ Styles has happened before, but not backed with the heat of a story. You build a story around Hardy looking for redemption while AJ Styles is looking to protect the company he helped build. Put that at Bound For Glory. Shoot, you can even make it a Ladder Match for Hardy's contract. Hardy would win the contract, as well as his fans back when he gives a Swanton Bomb from the top of the ladder.

    After winning at Bound For Glory, AJ Styles comes out and says that Hardy has earned his respect again. Have Taz and Mike Tenay (Impact's commentators) hype that AJ's approval is like being 'made' in the Mafia. The combonation of AJ's respect following an insane PPV ladder match, you can bet your last dollar the fan's would be back in Hardy's corner. It would be time to begin his story with Immortal.

    As he starts to pack up wins, you can put him back in the title picture at the end of next summer leading in to Bound For Glory 2012, and focus on his continuing quest for redemption can only be complete by winning the title. Which he does, completing a 'Rocky' like story of underdog and redemption.

    The second option is throw him into an immediate feud with Immortal. That first night, after Hardy apologizes, he gets inturrupted by his former stable. Bischoff and Hogan proceed to publicly dress down Hardy for almost bringing down the Immortal group in it's infancy. They need to use phrases like, "you're too weak," "we picked the wrong guy," and " you aren't welcome here anymore". Hardy responds by claiming that wrestling is his life, and he won't stop untill he's dead. Hogan and Bischoff (who have been talking about 'killing' alot lately) send the troops down to take Hardy out. Which the do- violently. Consider it a pay back for fucking up a ppv mainevent. It ends with everyone hitting their finishers, and Bully Ray putting him through the table.

    After Bound For Glory, Hardy returns. But his character has evolved. He is now a cross between Crow-late 90's- Sting and Raven. He shows up randomly, sometimes weeks in between appearences, and distracts members of Immortal-causing them to lose their matches. He stay's silent though. Then they start having backstage segments where Immortals locker room gets tagged with creepy riddles spray painted on the walls.

    At the start of the new year, it escaltes to backstage violence. Backstage segments showing members of Immortal unconcious, laying on the ground. Bischoff, Hogan and the remaining members of Immortal finally have had enough of the attacks, so they demand whoever is reponsible to come out and face them.

    Jeff Hardy appears on the screen, but still not saying anything. They start yelling at the screen for him to come down and be a man. Finally, after a solid minute of Hardy just looking blankly back at them, he says, "x marks the spot" and a cage lowers to the ring. The members of Immortal slide out of the ring, except Hogan, who is hobbled by a bad back. He is trapped in the cage. Also coming from the rafters, are four men. These four men take Hogan out with kendo sticks and bats. They reveal themselves to be Shane Helms, Shannon Moore, Matt Hardy (if he can get HIS shit together) and lastly, Jeff Hardy.

    Bischoff initially refuses to give any of them contracts, but the members of Immortal are embarrassed about being punked like that on national TV. Bischoff then annoucnes that if Hardy and his buddies want to ever wrestle again, they will have to compete in a Lethal Lockdown match at the 'Lockdown' ppv (which takes place in March) against Immortal.

    So at Lockdown, Jeff Hardy and Omega take on Immortal.

    After much deliberation, I think the first option is my favorite. AJ and Jeff's Ladder match is the stuff wet dreams are made out of. And even if you start with Hardy looking for respect initially, you can still lead it into an Omega vs Immortal at Lockdown. The second one is cool too, though.

    Pick your poison TNA. And Jeff, please stay clean.


    Sunday, August 7, 2011

    "Thats What The F***'s Up"

    Jacob Defranco seemed very confident. A lot more confident then you would think he should be entering his first MMA fight. Standing in his corner, wasting little movement, he waited for his opponent to join him inside the cage.

    This wasn't the first time he had seen his opponent. Moments before the show started, Defranco entered an upstairs room accompanied by his buddies, looking to put a face to the name. "Which one of you is Jesse Belvin?" he asked the room of potential fighters. A wirey kid with a buzzed head held up his hand. Defranco apparently didn't see much in him and his crew walked away giggling and confident.

    Defranco could smell a knockout. He even announced it on his Facebook.

    Jesse Belvin came out next. The muscles in his face were tensed up like you would expect from someone who was about to get into a fight. His previously mentioned frame was now shirtless for the general public to view, exposing all of his tattoos which nearly consume his entire left arm. He looked like someone who should be crowd surfing at a Coheed and Cambria concert, not in a cage fight.

    But that’s where they both found themselves. Locked in a cage where the only thing they knew about each other was their names. Within moments they were introduced and prepped for battle.

    Jacob Defranco was certain he was going to get a knockout and his first win. It only took Jesse Belvin 1 minute and 22 seconds to ruin those aspirations.




    “I wanted to showcase my striking first; because I was like 99% sure the guy wouldn’t be able to stop my wrestling. Only reason for my nerves was because of trying new boxing techniques and angles.” Jesse said. He had recently started training with a boxing specific coach, Rudy Garza, and was anxious enough to employ his new skill set that he jumped at the first opportunity to do so. Even if that meant doing it on a weeks notice and in a heavier weight class.

    When the day of his 2nd career fight came, Jesse found himself in a torture rack of nervousness. Taking a fight on 5 days notice didn’t give him much time to sit and think about what exactly he had agreed to do. But with only a few hours till he had to be at the venue, he found himself stressing over his recent decision. It had finally dawned on him that he was fighting in a heavier weight class, against an independently trained fighter who no one knew anything about, and he had 5 days to train for it. “I felt way more sick [this time],” Jesse said comparing his feelings to those he had for his first fight.

    Saturday morning he woke up with a life time MMA record of 2-0. Any nervousness he had felt the day before had been regulated to a passing sentiment. His hand ached so bad that he felt like he might’ve broken something. This isn’t surprising after you realize that he finished the fight by repeatedly punching the kid square in the head, like he was trying to rack up video game combo points, and didn’t stop until he was told to get up. It was that act of relentless violence that I haven’t stopped thinking about 48 hours later. As a spectator, it was simply awesome to watch. As Jesse’s brother, it was one of the more frightening things I’ve eve seen. I’ve always known Jesse to have a temper, but this was different then any of his verbal posturing I had ever experienced. This wasn’t Jesse walking in the mall saying, ‘I would beat his ass.’ This was him ACTUALLY beating someone’s ass.

    Since I left Gladiator MMA (the venue of the fight), every time I have thought about his fight, I find myself thinking the same thing: Where the fuck did that even come from? “Prison fights.” He responded over a text message. “Attacking a guard. I saw a video once and I try and act like I’m fighting for my escape.”

    Well that’s a good explanation of how you pin someone down and schedule them for an appointment with a dentist, but how does one flip that switch from being nervous wreck to channeling a the actions of a violent criminal?

    “When I went in for the takedown I didn’t have a care in the world. The goal was to see if my hands had improved with Rudy’s help and they did.”

    It took Jesse Belvin almost exactly six months between matches. After his first match, he found himself questioning his motivation to go through the type of conditioning required to perform how he expects himself to perform. After Friday night, Jesse vowed to not let so much time get in between his fights.

    He has now set himself a goal for continuing with MMA. Ultimately, he wants to qualify as a professional, but that will come after he pads his record and maybe adds a belt to his collection. “My goal is to win one more fight, then fight for #1 contendership. Then at 4-0 I would like to challenge for the Featherweight or Bantamweight belt”

    As I was wrapping up my interview with him, I felt compelled to ask him again about his pre match interaction Jacob Defranco and his buddies. “[when]I raised my hand and they were snickering and shit… it motivated me…” he said.

    “I love being motivated.”

    Saturday, August 6, 2011

    Mariners: July in Review

    Welcome to the big leagues, Trayvon Robinson. YOu had a catch last night that successfully made me shit my pants. So even if you go Puegero on us (strike out all the time- which is possible since your minor league career saw you make contact on only 65 percent of your swings) we will always have that catch.

    Now that we covered that on to bitching about the Mariners...

    I haven't writen about the M's in two weeks, because, well, they fucking suck. But July is over, so lets take a look at what happened:

    June ended on a bit of a sour stretch (as far as the first three months were concerned). When Philadelphia left Seattle, the Mariners were 2 games above .500 and had a punchers chance of sneaking into the playoffs (granted we would've had to aquire a hitter or two, but the chance was there). With that in mind, The Mariners promptly lost 7 of the next 12 games.

    July started exactly the way you would want July to start, if you had just been sodomized by Washington, Florida and Atlanta- with a series against San Diego and Oakland. After taking 4 of six games between those shit teams (inlcuding Blake Beavens first major league win), The Mariners got fisted again in a 4 game set with the Angles and limped into the All Star break riding a 5 game losing streak.

    10 games into July and we had scored more then 3 runs one time: in a 6-0 shut out of Double A San Diego(which actually doubles as Justin Vargas' last major league quality start... untill last night).

    Thankfully, the All Star break came up and allowed us to go home and lick our wounds. The boys had to have been burnt out and just needed the three days to recharge, right? Wrong. The Seattle Mariners actually had the longest All Star break ever, a 15 day weekend. Unfortunatly, they had games scheduled during this break and lost the first 12 games after the Mid Summer Classic.

    Why do they suck so much? It's simple: Because Justin Smoak is allegedly playing with a thumb injury since mid June (his numbers reflect the time frame perfectly), Ichiro is closer to 40 then 30, Chone Figgins is still a Mariner, and Baseballs Rule's forbid Dustin Ackley from batting in all 9 positions while utalizing the 'Ghost Runner' concept.

    I had high hopes heading into July for this team. All 5 members of our rotation had a ERA of 3 and half or under. Our hitters were doing just enough to get by, and teams were getting ready to auction off pieces that would make us a better team (at one point I had myself convinced Ryan Ludwick was going to make us 'Not To Be Fucked With' good. HA! Ryan Ludwick!). Unfortunately, the wheels feel off and we got sodomized by teams for the better part of three weeks, leading to managment waving the white flag and trading away Doug Fister, David Pauley and Erik Bedard. I'll miss those guys, especially Bedard. We waited three years for you to do anything, and the moment you get your shit together we sent you to Boston.

    Sometimes this world isn't fair.

    Monday, August 1, 2011

    Status Update: Sized Up for a Ball n' Chain

    Anyone else see that on weather.com it was reporting Hell froze over this weekend? I wonder if that had anything to do with the fact that I got married on Saturday.

    Maybe it did, or maybe I'm just making that up. But what is the truth is that the man who once wrote "Things I Want to Do Before I Die (or get Married)" is now married.

    On Saturday, infront of 150 or so people in my hometown, I married my long time lady friend, Sarah. We've looked at our relationship as a marriage for a long time (after all, there is a 2 year old), only now we made it official.

    I gotta admit, for as neverous as I was prior- the ceremony was awesome. It was quick, easy and went off with out any major issues(I can literally only speak for us. We had a ton of people working behind the scenes making sure it was easy on us. Thank you to all those people). Shoot, the only thing that I can remember messing up right now is that I stumbled over my vow's (unforunatly it was the part where I am supposed to 'stay faithful'- not a good place to stumble).

    But stumble or not, I've been someones husband for 48 hours now. Very surreal feeling for someone who- only a year ago- biggest complication in life was making sure he had Madden 2011's release date off.

    Jokes aside, I gotta say I'm extremely happy. I love my wife and my daughter, and can't wait to see what the future has for the three of us. And again, if you came to the wedding or helped out ( or both) thank you so much. Had I not blacked out from nervousness I'm sure I would've enjoyed myself alot.



    Actually, before I go, I do have another thing to say.

    I do gotta comment on one thing though before I go. If you grew up how I did, chances are the idea of "no sex before marriage" was hammered home to you. My parents harped on it. My church going friends' parents did the same. It's pretty much a staple for all Christian families.

    For 20 years I lived under that embrella, only to lose my virginity shortly after my parents announced there seperation (I lost it to Sarah, ps, so thats something to hang my hat on). While I was growing up, though, I remember people stressing that sex with your spouse is better then regular sex. After I lost my virginity, anytime someone told me this, I smiled, nodded and mentally filed it under "shit crazy people say" in my brain. Thats not a slam on abstaining till marriage, just the idea that it somehow got BETTER with a ring.

    That being said, 48 hours into my marriage and those crazy people might have been on to something. On the off chance that my freshly-minted wife or someone else in my family (who doesn't want to think about me having sex) reads this, I will withhold the steamy details, but just know that it's been pretty effing sweet.

    Maybe it's because we are making up for lost time, after all, we did pledge abstanence after we started our pre-marital counciling. Or maybe those adults who stressed 'no sex' knew what they were talking about. I don't know. I can't explain it. I just know what I've experienced, and what I've experienced over the last 48 hours has been awesome. Like, 'hunny maybe we should invite people to watch us so they can study it for science' levels of awesome.

    I am now a full supporter of 'sex is better when married' camp. Because it is.