A Gentleman with Steroid Needles.

Saturday started the same way many others had before it. With an urgent 8:00 am phone call from my brother. After realizing it was still three hours shy of my desired 11:00 wake up, I determined someone has to be dead for my brother to be stupid enough to call me AGAIN on a Saturay morning (Jesse is legendary for his evil call times. No joke, he is not affraid of 7 am phone calls just to shoot the shit).

"What do you want?" I answered as nicely as I possibly could. Ask anyone, before 10 am, and I am the physical form of all the worst parts of the Bible.

"DUDE! Have you read Espn yet?" I could feel the hate rising. Now let me state that if it were a normal time, like noon, I would've been able to politely say 'yes, I have' or ' you bet, brother of mine.' But again, it was 8 am on a Saturday. At that time I was balls deep in a glorious dream involving Jessica Alba, me, a pool table, 15 dollars, three sheep, four magi and strategically placed Grapes. Needless to say, it was very enjoyable and thoughts of espn shockingly had yet to enter my conciousness. But here was Jesse, asking if I had yet updated myself on my Saturday morning readings, to which I could only reply "no".

"Dude, A-Rod got busted for roids. It's on the front page." The blood had yet to return to my head, so it took a minute before everything registered. I got up and quickly fired up ESPN.com. Sure enough, Alex Rodriguez, resident sports pretty boy, and my arch nemises had tested positive in 2003 for PED. I was speechless.

Days later and I remain speechless.

I actually was hoping he would never get caught. I was hoping he would remain the clean superstar, but I always new it was a possibillity. I mean he was quick, strong, and built like a line backer. If I've learned one thing over the last few years, it's unless you're Ichiro (who is built like Prince) don't be suprised if they get busted for Performance Enhancers. Part of me was hoping he would eventually take over the all time HR record and take it back from the douche bag that is Barry Bonds.

Real quick, I need to say that the steroid era sucks. However, I don't think it's as big of a deal as we are making it. Most of the journalism in this country is directed towards how unfair this is to the old timers of the game that keeps it's legends in a prominant light. The beautiful thing about baseball is that it has remained the same game over the years (you know with the glaring exception that out fielders could step out of the batters box and on to the grid iron with out skipping a beat) so you can compare guys like Ken Griffey Jr to a Willie Mays. Sadly, those comparisons took a shot when the idea of steroids in Baseball became more then just a theory.

That being said, I don't feel as if the old timers are getting a raw deal like it's being reported. Yes steroids are used to enhance performance, but if everybody is using them shouldn't that mean that the playing field remains even? Ken Caminetti was the first face of steroid user in baseball. He said 80 percent of players (pitchers and hitters were using). That means even the crappy players, who were historically crappy, and were on steroids.

To clarify what I'm saying (sometimes I fear I ramble, and I don't want my point lost) Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, and Roger Clemens were on steroids. They were joined by many others. There is a list of a 103 names who tested positive in a survay in 03. It is true, Hank Aaron never used steroids. They weren't around for him. But he also never hard to face someone who was on steroids. Hitters and pitchers were both roiding. So I pose the question, is it really unfair if everyone is doing it?

Back to the fun! Much like any good scandle, the stories just keep coming. Though I'd rather have him with the All-Time HR record (the most hallowed record in sports), I am giggly to watch the man that left my beloved Mariners for a record 250 million dollar deal over a ten years for a division rival back in the fall of 2000, get sodomized by the media. It seriously tickles me pink.

The media has flipped on dime on him, and it's got me half mast. I haven't been this excited about a non game related story line in forever. I can't wait to hear his apology. I can't wait to read what my favorite sports writers feel about this. Especially Rick Riley, formerly of Sports Illustrated who now writes for ESPN.

I acutally enjoy Rileys work. He remains one of my favorite 5 sports writers. He seems to be genuine and at times can be critical when he feels he has to be. And I respect that. But by an act of unbelievable irony, I happened to pick up a Sports Illustrated this weekend while I was taking a dump. Like I always do, when I pick up vintage SI's I flip to the back to see what Riley was talking about for that issue. The title of the article was "A Gentleman In A Pinstripe Suite." And it was a well crafted fluff piece about Alex Rodriguez right after he joined the New York Yankees.
I mean this piece was nothing more then a written hand job to the self marketing giant that is A-Rod. It was gross.

But what excites me is to see if Riley says anything about it. He has been very critical of the confirmed steroid users (like Clemens and Bonds). But this editorial is full of these little points on what makes Alex Rodriguez such a good, yet boring guy. It was a complete 180 of a portrait of the man that we know to be A-Rod now.

He mentioned how A-Rod is family man, and a faithful husband. Except for the fact that he was involved in that messy Guy Ritchie Madona divorce, and last year had a photo documented affair with a stripper. What a guy.

It was said that he doesn't go out and party....unless you count the late night strip club runs.

And then there was my personal favorite. Riley said, when talking about how shocked he was the A-Rod "works on his game alot" he said and I quote "Your game? Hello? You were American League MVP last year! You've already got 383 career home runs, and you're not even 'roided up". IT's funny because he was roided up. HAHAHAHA.

Seriously, check out the article if you don't believe me: http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1032493/3/index.htm

One thing is for sure, this going to be long and drawn out. We are going to see politician like spin work from A-Rod and his people. It's going to be like watching Picaso paint. It's going to be like watching Bob Dylan craft a song. We will eventually stop caring because this is going to be terribly tedious, and we're gonna get sick of it.

When that happens, just remember one thing taking everything that is said with a grain of sault, and a shot of penicilin.

And don't forget to laugh.