Plaxico, or Plax for short, is a dumb shit.
He is a professional athlete, or more specifically a Wide Receiver for the New York (football) Giants. He gets paid big money to catch a football for a living. In fact, in September (after a summer of bitching for MORE money) he received a 35 million dollar extension. Even though it is very unlikely that at 31 he will be able to remain an elite receiver in the NFL. Still, he pouted and the Giants paid the man.
Now lets get this straight, I'm not here to bitch about Plaxs' stacks. If you have someone willing to pay you that kind of cheddar who am I to say, "thats not right." And obviously I don't have personal knoweledge of Plax the man, so I'm not gonna sit here and call him a bad person. Rather, my beef with the 6'6" receiver is with Plax the decision maker. So where I won't question his morality or his manhood, I am going to question his intelligence.
To say Plax is retarded, would be a slap in the face of Gilbert Grapes retarded brother.
First of all, lets forget that he had been suspended already in the season due to the typical "me first" attitude that receivers have. Quite frankly, that doesn't piss me off that much. Like I said, that attitude is typical of receivers. Sad but true.
I mean I'd probably show up late to practice too if I was getting paid millions of dollars to play/talk football. It would be REAL tough to get out of bed for that. Let me tell you.
So What did Plax do? After Plax and The Giants had informed the media that he would not be playing Week 13 game against the division rival Redskins. Oh well, injuries happen. However, even though he wasn't going to be able to hit the field on sunday, he was apparently healthy enough to test it at a dance club on Thursday. Makes sense.
The dumb shittary doesn't stop there, in fact its about to jump off the page. So Plax is out with his wife (one of the reasons I won't slam his morality.) drinkin, dancing, ya know, having a good time. Plax was rockin sweats, lots of cash and a... gun. YES A MOTHER F***KIN GUN! So there he is, wearing sweats, drunk, and he has a gun tucked in the elastic of the sweats. I couldn't make this shit up if I wanted to. I'm not that creative.
Obviously he shoots himself in the leg. He's lucky he didn't blow his junk off. But what he did do was put a bullet in his leg at a nightclub (What? An over paid Athlete in trouble at a night club? Stop me if you've heard this one before), which caused him to miss the rest of the year on a team that had already bought it's playoff ticket, and appeared Superbowl bound.
(Needless to say, the Giants looked like crap the rest of the season, and got punched in the mouth in their lone playoff game)
Again, the dumb shittary doesn't stop there! Oh no, the fun keeps coming. You see, Plax apparently can't drive. First he wrecked his $140,000 benz, and didn't have insurance. How do you drive a car that costs that much, and not slap some insurance on there. No wonder he was bitching about getting that extra 35 million.
Seriously, someone get Plax a helmet. Over the course of a month, he managed to basically run himself out of New York, nearly blow his dick off with a gun he had tucked in an elastic band, and wreck a 140 k benzo with no insurance. And now he might have to give back the 35 million.
Then there was the free car rental he got in Pittsburg, on the deal that he was going to do a public appearence for them. Which he no showed. So he's getting sued for that.
So lets recap: Shot himself in the leg at a club, when he was supposedly too injured to catch a ball. Wrecked his benz, and didn't have insurance. Then no showed an appearence which he was paid in advance for.
Dumbass.
I'd say we should lock him in a padded room and give him a color book and some crayons, but the dumb ass probably would shove them up his nose and suffocate.
I mean he gets paid insane amounts of cheddar to play a game, and it's like he is TRYING to screw it up. I think we should have an intelligence aptitude test before we give athletes that kind of dough. 35 million dollars can pay for alot of insurance, but I guess Plax didn't see it like that.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Plaxico Burress, an early canidate for dumb ass of the year.
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