Warning: I'm not in a good mood

You ever have one of those days where you feel less then super human? Where it  becomes a chore to put a smile on your face, and remain positive? I do from time to time. You could say I'm feeling that way right now. Because right now, I feel like the biggest piece of shit on this planet.

No rhyme or reason to it. I just feel like a giant schmuck. 

I found myself sitting in the back seat of my brothers car last night, assessing the situation I have found myself in. Looking at my brother, he's got a lot going for him and I'm real proud. He's 19, got a good paying job, lives rent free at my dads, and is going to school. Me on the other hand since coming back from my California Adventure, I'm 22, unemployed, living at my parents for the first time since high school, and broke as joke. Actually, it's not even funny, so I'm broke like MC Hammer broke. 

To make matters worse, I have no idea what I'm doing. Am I coming or going? I can barely decide, I just drank a fifth of Kool-aid, dare me to drive? Yes, those lyrics are quoted from an edited Eminem song. And yes, it IS that bad of a morning.

I want to go back to school, but do not qualify for independence since I'm not 24. Listen, other then the last couple weeks, I've been out of the parental wing for four years. I am the picture of independence. So, fuck you FASFA. 

I have no car, because I make bad decisions like take a nap while driving on a highway. With intelligence like that, it's incredible administrations across the country aren't paying me to attend their school.

I have no job. I left my good paying job after the car accident because I felt like I needed to change, and felt like it was time to head to my dream land of California. It was a great adventure, only problem is I rushed everything, screwed the pooch on preparation and wasn't able to live down there yet.  Once again, jobs, cars and roommates are keys to living in expensive situations. And lets face it, California is an expensive situation.

So five weeks after my decision to throw caution to the birds, drop everything and leave, I'm back wishing I had not done that in such a haste. If I would've just taken five minutes to sit down and think about it,  I could've probably still been there. But nooooooo I'm a hard headed lazy bastard. And it's getting worse. Seriously, vampires do more during the day then I do right now. VAMPIRES, DAMNIT!

 

Whats really kicking my ass is I don't know whats going on. Not that any one REALLY knows whats going on, but I feel like I'm extra clueless. Do I really want to go to school? Really? Or am I just looking for something to tell people when they ask me what I'm doing with my life? I need a role model.

And when the hell did I start to care? This summer I had fun making up different stories for people when they'd ask me what I was doing. I went to a wedding this summer and saw a bunch of my old high school teachers.  Each one of them got a different story from dentistry to politics(Thank goodness they weren't coming around after I started drinking, or else I would've probably told them I was doing porn). Now,  I feel legitimately bad. I have buddies graduating college now, starting their own businesses and what do I got? An associates degree. Super. According to Ryan Reynolds, I can substitute teach for retarded children.

My current female situation is not helping matters either. I can say I like being single till I'm blue in the face, but lets face it, thats not a 100 percent accurate. What guy in their right mind doesn't want a girl to hang out with all the time that he gets along with, and be  provided with consistent booty? This is a program I'd like to go ahead and sign up with.

And here is where my problem comes in. I'm not 19 anymore.  At 19, I had a nice car, a job (though not an impressive one, but a job none the less)  and my own apartment. I had some times. Plus, girls were easier to impress then. Having a job, a car, and your own place were not necessarily required (ALL THREE weren't required. You needed at least one, and a combo of the three if you were going to pull anything that could be taken out during the daylight). 

Now girls are harder to impress. The three bonuses are now a requirement. They look to see what direction dudes are heading with their lives, and if they can gain anything from them. They want someone with an education, someone who can give them an experience. Girls are material creatures. They want someone to buy them shinny shit. In my current situation, being broke, carless, jobless, and an all-star couch crasher...well I guess it's safe to say I'm not a catch. Girls aren't in a rush to put on their sexy underwear when they need to pick me up at my dads house.

I know I'm over reacting. I mean how many jobs did I expect to land in my lap with the economy being the way it is, and it also being Christmas season. I'm just really bored right now, and I needed to bitch.

What I need to do is step back, take a deep breath grab a coke and a smile and figure out my thing. I know God's got a plan for me, it just sucks sometimes waiting for him to show me whats good. I just really don't like feeling blue. It really screws with my chi. Actually, what I need to do is get out and clear my head. I need to load up my ipod and go take a drive. I need t go drive fast, and maybe ride some twisty roads. Nothing clears your head like a long drive to no where and back. Yes, thats what I need, that'll help me figure out my issues. I'm going for a drive!

So, uh,  Who wants to pick me up?