Special Guest Post: A Born Winner's perspective on marriage

I spent this weekend with my buddy Rob up in Seattle. While we were out and about we got on the subject of my blog and the shit I do on here. It seemed like just passing conversation, but at some point he asked if it would be cool if once in awhile he wrote a "Special Guest Blog." I said 'yes' and didn't think anything about it after that. Well tonight, I got a voice mail from Rob telling me to check my email. Sure enough, the Born Winner has already completed his first special guest post.

Here you go, it's called: "Why Men Get Married"

My whole life I have always wondered why men get married, and untilI started knocking doors and witnessing the interaction, the decision making process, and lives of the elderly I never understood it.

From my point of view I only saw how the women nagged, withheld sex, begged for children, spent all the money (and if things went really poorly took half the money), and so on. My career has given me a completely different take on the situation. This may seem like a sexist rant so far, but this is actually a cautionary tale for you would never guess it...women.

The advantages for women wanting to get married seemed so obvious to me, but the advantages for the men never quite added up. The way I saw it if you stayed single as a man you could: 1. Keep your money 2. keep your freedom, and 3. pray on the single women desperate to get married, or even better clean up on divorcees (even easier).

Here is where the doom and gloom, and ultimate reason guys get married set in for me. When guys get old they lose it. By lose it I mean they are mindless invalids. When most guys hit 70 two things happen either they die (worst case scenario?) or they lose their mind, forget everything, and need someone to wipe their ass for them. I'm serious most old men can't even remember what they had for breakfast at lunchtime, let alone be responsible for personal hygiene. In the end most marriages end up being some type of lifetime symbiotic relationship.

In the early years/middle ages the husband supports the wife financially and emotionally through pms menopause and all that crazy nonsense, which is what I always saw, but in the end they literally need somebody to keep them alive. They can't cook for themselves, they can't clean for themselves, and they certainly can't take care of themselves in any way shape or form.

So congratulations ladies, that free ride you thought you were picking up wasn't actually free in the end. Enjoy wiping ass and taking care of someone that is completley grumpy and ungrateful, that can't even remember the nice things you did for them yesterday.

Coming from me in my mind this is one of the strongest endorsements of marriage I can give. I always heard marriage was a give and take, and as far as I'm concerned wiping ass is the ultimate take. So congrats ladies enjoy the final years of your life as a caregiver.