an Ode(n) to stupid Apolgies.

In lue of Greg Odens recent "exposure" to the world and Gilbert Arenas putting new meaning to the words, "shooting guard" I felt like I should express some commentary. As I read the stories I could feel the inspiration over take me. I had been abducted. I sat down and started to write what would upon completion, could only have been described as an "awesome show of power, and command of the English language." A rant for the ages about athletes, their constant discressions, and the subsiquent (B.S)apologies.

But I've changed my mind. Kind of.

I changed my mind in the idea of making a big thing about it. These atheletes are humans and as such they screw up. But unlike when I screw up, they're screw up's are monotered, discussed and scrutanized to the point where it could potentially cost them millions of dollars (see Kobe Bryant, Eagle Colorado 2005).

In that regards, I get why they are constantly releasing these cookie cutter apologies for everything. I don't like it, but I get it.

Gilbert brought guns to the gym. I get the apology there. That move is illegal, and he could do some jail time. Also, his team has paid him 20 million dollars the last couple seasons to a) miss a whole season due to injury, and now miss the majority due to suspension.

The apology was needed there. However, Gilbert (who blogs like crazy) did the road less traveled. He opted to write an apology letter and had it published through the Washington Post. He wrote it, not his agent. To that I say, sir well done.

Tiger had to apologize to the WORLD for cheating on his wife. Why? We aren't his family. It doesn't effect us. If you are at all hurt by Tiger being a douche then you need to re-evaluate your life. He is a public figure so I understand the interest in the gossip. But why does he feel like he needs to make a public apology?

What Tiger needs to do is sit his family down, apologize to his wife till it's annoying...let her simmer on it, and move on.

(and if he loses endorsments or business opertunities because of this, well I guess thats life bro. There will be others. Lets face it, at the end of the day the dude is still Tiger Woods. And when he decides it's time to pick the clubs again, everyone involved in the sports world is going to want him hawking their gear. Cheata' or not.)

Then there is Greg Oden. Greg recently apologized for his penis making it's debut to the internet. This one is the most confusing thing ever. What did he do wrong? He sent a picture of him and his tri-pod to a girlfriend, a year and a half ago. He is not the first 19 year old to have done this. Trust me, I use to sell cell phones, and I have friends who still sell cell phones. G.O. is not the first dude, or chick, to have done this.

Why should he apologize? He didn't slap them on there. He had no control over that. It's not like he sits at home and was like, " I need more press, time for everyone to see why my number is '52'." Nope, some lady (and really, after a stunt like that we should call her a bitch)desides to break trust and throw his goods for the world to see.

Is it a bad example for kids? Yes. But according to the news, 12 years old are doing these types of stunts before Oden's were leaked. I don't see an often injured, overly critisized center starting the naked picture revolution within the 12 yearold community.

If you want to blame anyone for kids and naked pictures it's their parents for giving them a camera phone and the means to send picture mail. Retards.

The injured center did release a statement saying, "I would like to apologize to everybody: Portland, the fans, the organization. It was very embarrassing."

But why!? Why does Greg gotta apologize for this? He already got kicked in the nuts, now he's gotta smile? It's embarrassing enough for the kid. Isn't it bad enough that some lady (again, bitch is more accurate) betrayed him and what was left of the trust that they once had?

Let him lick his wounds in piece. If you're offended by the sight of a 7 footers meat, well then don't google it. Move on.

These are personal matters, yet they double as Sportcenter Headlines. Just Imagine it if we had to apologize for mondane shit like they do.

Headline: Clinicallyawesome writer Andrew Belvin is in trouble today with Girlfriend after leaving the toilet seat up-yet again.

To which I'd have to appologize (though my agent and lawyer ofcourse): First of all I'd like to apologize to all my fans, who I've let down through my recent transgressions. It was a matter of oversight and neglegence and I should've known better. I'd like to say sorry to blogspot.com for the black mark I've put on the organization. Most importantly, I'd like to say sorry to my girlfriend. Who because of my selfishness and shortsightness, has sat in the toilet water again. I'm truly sorry."

I want you to know I laughed while writing that, because thats what they all are. If you aren't sorry, don't say it. If you really are sorry, then make us see that. Do as Gilbert as done (first and last time I will say that). If it's not our business, don't apologize to us, Tiger. And for the love of God, if you don't want to see Oden's penis, then don't type in any combonation of Oden + nude (or penis) in your Google search.

That'll be all.